Sunday, May 28, 2006

People always leave

Sometimes you can't stop things from falling apart. You can't stop death, you can't stop others from chasing their dreams, you can't stop fate.

People always leave.

People come and go. The feeling of seeing someone you love leaving is too much for some people. Too much for me. I saw my brother left for the America when i was 11. I cried and no one will understand the feeling i'm going through. He was the only one i could depend on. He was my irritating bug, my play mate, my tutor & my companion in many ways. I remember i cried almost everyday after coming home from school. The house was empty and Silence is deafening my ears. Since then i've always been alone at home after school. Even now. Since then, i only picked him up from the airport for his every visit back home but never sent him to the airport. Though i'm 20, which many will think that i'm capable of handling my tears of bitterness, i still don't sent him to the airport because i know i'll cry like a big baby and i can't even say the word "goodbye" properly. 9 years it's been like this and it shall go on being like this. Same goes to Rathyana, my best friend who left on the 20 January 2004. I didn't send her to the airport because i couldn't accept the fact that she's leaving for Australia. I remembered how terrible i felt that day. It's even worst than my first break up with my ex bf. But i did sent her to the airport this year. I cried badly especially when she wanted me to say my goodbye speech infront of the video cam. We both cried and cried and cried. Then the part where i witnessed my boyfriend leaving me and falling into another girl's arm and then dear Sean leaving to UK and my good friend Patricia called of the friendship after what i did. Oh so devastated and hurt. Now i understand why so many song lyrics has the phrase, "walls are crumbling down". It sure does feel like it that time. You might not know who's leaving next. Well i know gino's leaving for Aus in June or July la... Sigh...who's next? Kelvin? Joanna? Ivy? Juli Lim? Fitri? See ting? Sue-li? Juliana? Sigh...

People Always Leave.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Movie with Kelvin(Jonz)

At last, i finally get to go out with my honey bunny. After a long week of kissing our assignments every night, we finally had some time for a relaxing date. Watched the movie Over The Hedge to day. It gave us quite a good laugh. Especially the rabie, Hammy, this crazy rabie squirrel is NUTS! Darn hyper. Just like me after drink coffee or hot chocolate. We (Tammy & I) cannot take anything toooo sweet for the sake of everyone's... eer...i don't know...anyway.... Once our sugar level goes way UP, our sanity is cut loose and then....deng deng deng... the Hyperness begins... That's totally not cool AT ALL.

When buying tickets, the young lady at the counter said Jonz's chinese name and mine are so alike when we showed her our student id cards when buying the movie tickets. And I answered, "That's why we're meant to be." O.o My oh my... don't misunderstood, it's not that it's a bad thing, it's just that i usually don't say words like these to others. Was a lil shocked & embarrassed with the words that came out from my mouth.

Anyway, i have no clue what to write for my design journal. What topic should i write about? Sigh...

Nada Surf songs are not bad. I won't guarantee that i'll like their songs for long but for now i'm good. =)
Switchfoot- The Blues is on my recommended list.

Hobnob with my gang of friends for the past few weeks.

Mamak with sue-li, see ting, shi yan, fang chin and chee shin.
Lunch with Hazel a day after her birthday.
Then paid Shaleeni a visit.
Met up with juli, fitri & ivy at midvalley but only took one shot of pic with juli.

Friday, May 19, 2006

light years away

Just finished my 3rd glass of red wine, now a lil high but still sane and sobber.

__Day time...

Had my Special Topic in Interior Design class today. Conducted by our coool lecturer named Khoo. He made me feel so small with all the architecture and interior design books and journals that we should be reading. I felt like i have ZERO knowledge in interior design. Back to square one... Half of the class was a little blur when he was briefing us our assigments. Bla bla bla...... Now i'm the weirdo who has no Astro in my house. Yes! I don't have an Astro. Bigga deal...
Then later hung out with Amy and Kenneth ----> then headed back home.

__Evening + Night...

At home, watch my One Tree Hill and getting all frustrated with it. I so love Peyton (Hilarie Burton) in the show. Her features, her hair, her taste in music. If i was a lesbian, she'll be the dream girl. After that, read National Geographic magazines for about an hour then had my dinner. After that i watched a lil tv then continued reading NG while sipping wine.

Later on, I received news from my bf that he lost his wallet. Now, i don't know what to do or say to comfort him because he's so angry with himself and lil Jeffery, his brother. Why Jeff? Long story and i'm so darn lazy to explain... as usual.

Had an arguement with an my bf 2 days ago then came to realized how stupid and childish i was to ask for a break. Time apart is not what we need. It's whacking on my head and rationality is what i NEED. Thank you Shi Jin for being so blooooodddy patient with me and my ding dong attitude.

MoZella - Light Years Away is stuck in my head for 2 days! How i wish that i discovered this song way earlier in 2004 so i could lighten things up in my life and get closure fast and not do stupid things which i really regret for doing so. Listening to the song makes me brood + sad + relieved.
But what's amazing about this song is that the lyrics is almost cathartic. It relates so much to my life till i feel like i'm watching a movie about myself dealing with hardships in relationship during my "dark" period and how i survived it after a long long time. I'm still in one pieces thank goodness.


It's almost like you had it planned
It's like you smiled and shook my hand and said
"Hey, I'm about to screw you over, big time"
And what was I supposed to do? I was stuck in between you and a hard place
We won't talk about the hard place

But I don't blame you anymore
That's too much pain to store
It left me half dead
Inside my head
And boy, looking back I see I'm not the girl I used to be
When I lost my mind
It saved my life

It's how you wanted it to be
It's like you played a joke on me
And I lost a friend
In the end
And I think that I cried for days
But now that seems light years away
And I'm never going back
To who I was

Cause I don't blame you anymore
That's too much pain to store
It left me half dead
Inside my head
And boy, looking back I see I'm not the girl I used to be
When I lost my mind
It saved my life

I think that I cried for days
But now that seems light years away
And I'm never going back
To who I was

Cause I don't blame you anymore
That's too much pain to store
It left me half dead
Inside my head
And boy, looking back I see I'm not the girl I used to be
When I lost my mind
It saved my life

That life seems like light years away
Light years away
And that life seems like light years away
Light years away

by MoZella


Now I'm gonna get back to my research on Consumer Behaviour.

Goodnight everybody.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Broody Day

Today's a bum for me. Brood the whole day and still brooding.

Places you have come to fear the most by Dashboard Confessional keeps playing in my head while i was driving to and fro from college.

Speed at 120 km/h.

Cried the whole afternoon.

Kept eating but nothing works. Having a bad headache and my eyes are dry and painful.
First day at college after our 3 weeks term break was boring but my morning was fun. I woke up at 11 a.m and made myself sandwiches so that i can munch while watching One Tree Hill. I don't know why i get so emotional when i watch this drama. I usually don't cry but this time....i boohoo -ed for season 3, episode 1 to 8. Maybe because it relates to my sad depressing past i've encountered so i feel like there's a need to cry. Betrayal, infidelities, friendship crap and so on. Sheesh....what a baby i am la! Idiot!!

Classes was from 2.30 pm till 9.30 pm. Was late for class because i was so hooked up with the show. Left the house at 2.15 pm and drove like a devil. Sigh.. Was 5 to 10 minutes late but didn't miss anything in class. *thumbs up*

Thank goodness i came back in time for the show Prison Break. Another one i'm starting to craze for now. The plot is impressive. The prison plan tattoo on the body, the mathematics, the psycho prisoners... Another reason to watch is because hunky Wentworth Miller is starring.

Now i know why Thyana said she wants to go to prison. I see the point now.
I'm so frustrated with my boyfriend now. Can't seem to sleep because of the lil fireball down in my throat. I need to spit fire but i can't find a victim. So i just ate cookies and drank mango juice then try to sleep.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

At this moment, there are
six billion, four hundred seventy million, eight hundred eighteen thousand, six hundred seventy one
people in the world.
Some are running scared,
Some are coming home,
Some tell lies to make it through the day,
Others are just not facing the truth,
Some are evil man at war with good,
Some are good but struggling with evil.
6 billion people in the world,
6 billion souls,
And sometimes...
All you need is ONE.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Stop obsessing!

ok...i admit when i was 16 till 18, i kept looking in the mirror and said, "SHIT! Look how FAT i am. I need to lose some weight."
I was a lil obssessed with my size and I couldn't accept the fact that i'm size M.

I realised i gained weight because of my cravings for food at night. But honestly, i don't go over obssesing with it and not eat, diets or jump on the scale machine everyday to remind myself how round i look. (i don't own a weight machine by the way).

My family members contributed to my depressing weight issues by saying, "Wah Erinn, gain alot of weight already ar?" or "Eh, fei jou wo (fat already)" or "Why suddenly you put on so much of weight? The last i saw you, you were size zero!"

Please tell me how can a 17 year old teen accept cruel comments like the above in a positive way when she's living in this new millennium that thinks

thin = GOOD
plum/fat = BAD

I didn't cry, i just feel sad and insecure at times. Then one point, i was so fed up with me being fat, round or plum... I just accepted it and move on. Changed my mindset and i never felt better in life. I eat healthy, exercise & stop craving. Well...HEHE.. i admit i still eat a lot and crave for cheese but i try not to take supper at night. Thanks to stress i lost a couple of pounds. Now i can finally wear my DKNY jeans after so many years. But no matter what, i still think people should be more sensitive when it comes to size and weight issues. If you can, please please do not comment on someone's size.

I have a friend who had just recently put on some weight and her parents are like reminding her all the time that she's fat and need to lose them. C'mon! It's just 4 kg and it's not the end of the world people. Think people THINK! How insensitive parents can be?

So my mom and i consoled her and try to make her think positive. This is why i ALWAYS tell my parents to not talk or comment about someone's size. See how cruel adults can be without realising it? You wanna say someone's fat, tell it to yrself.
Do not rub salt on someone's wound. Do not feed misery to others.

If you appreciate your body, you'll feel good and secure. When you feel good, you have confidence. And when you're confident, you are ATTRACTIVE!

have a good day! *hugs & kisses*

Sunday, May 07, 2006


I'm a lil blur today. I feel so tired and just wanna sleep the whole day.

1. When i wanted to bath, i went into my room and grabbed my bolster instead of my towel and walked into the bathroom. Then later on, i realised i took the wrong thing.

2. After washing the bathroom, i realised i forgot to wash the floor. So i went to get the brush and detergen again.

3. When i wanted to scrub the bathroom floor, i pumped Dove shampoo on the floor instead of the dertergen. So now the bathroom smells like dove shampoo.

4. When i peeled the banana, i threw the banana into the rubbish bin and kept the skin. So i went to get another banana.

5. When preparing for dinner, i put rice on the plate and and then passed chopsticks around instead of forks and spoons.

After that, mom said i need to sleep early tonight before i get hurt. I don't know what she meant by that. Goodnight.

Saturday, May 06, 2006

5 quotes by Chandler Bing (Matthew Perry) in F.R.I.E.N.D.S which i suddenly thought of when i'm in the car on my way to dinner. Well, not really quotes but lines. I even remember the scenes too and smile to myself. My dad must be thinking that i'm cuckoo after my mom yelled at me for being super lazy and about my not-so-high handphone bill.

1. "There's a nuclear halocaust, I'm the last man on earth....Will you marry me?"
2. "We are the "BINGS"!!"
3. "I want my freedom!! Freedom! Freedom! Why won't you hear me?!"
4. "I wanna quit the gym! I want a flabby gut and saggy man breast!"
5. "I'm gonna die alone!"

You won't find it funny because you don't know the scenes or maybe you don't watch Friends. But I do so screw you!

The song that keeps playing in my head the whole day today is Nothing Compares To You by Sinead O'Connor. An urban folk with lyrics obviously coming from the heart. I tear everytime I hear this song. I remember my brother and i loved this old school hit the very first time we heard in it on the radio. That was like... more than 10 years ago i think.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Yesterday was HAHA!


My boyfriend came over to my house yesterday to spent time with me and also he wants me to accompany him to study for his Marketing resit test. After chilling a while at home we headed to McDonald's in Bandar Baru to study. I have no idea how he can study with all the noises around us but it works for him and he took advantage of the drink refilling service that was provided. He drinks alot when he studies to keep him awake i guess. He's not a book person. While he was studying I was busy flipping Cleo magazine and reading every single thing in there. The fashion in there is certainly not my style. Why? No idea. I like reading Cosmopolitan U.S edition the best.

Ok.....So we sat there for like hours....and at 4 pm we left because he was getting tired reading the heavy with small-size-font book. So we headed back to the car and i lie on his lap and we talk. So I suggested to go "Chung Kok" coffee shop to have a drink and chat. It's our favourite place to go because it's a traditional coffee shop. Like the ones you see in Malacca. That shop has been there for over 40 years! When were there, we had a long chat about our past relationship and experiences in highschool life. What's interesting was I found out that the truth/stories that i though was true were lies. CONTRADICTION! probably don't know what i'm saying so don't bother.

It's funny how some people can be so desperate but tries so hard to cover their desperation by telling others fancy made up stories. I didn't say it's a bad thing....I said it's FUNNY. I think everyone does hide some truth but it's how far you'll go to hide them is funny. But everything is revealed today. I feel so silly believing all of those silly stories. I don't know about you but I sure do feel nice when we share our thoughts, experiences on embarrassing moments and past relationship ; the courting ; the kissing ; the sex.
You'll get to understand him better and another side of him/her. Plus, in my opinion, you'll proceed to a new level of trust because the person sorta like telling you everything and not being secretive.
Jealousy? Surely there's a lil but it's not harmful. =P Well, it's because you love the person that's why you're jealous right? We left the shop at about 5.45 pm because he's going home to Pj for dinner. Yesterday ended with us continuing to bitch on the phone. Haha!


Stay at home. Do a lil washing. Watch tv while masking my face with egg mask to fuck off those harmful blackheads. And.....errr..that's it i guess.

You all have a good day!

p/s: i didn't go sunway lagoon on tuesday because it's closed so going tomorrow! hope the weather's fine tomorrow. wish me luck!

Monday, May 01, 2006

Happy Labour's Day!

Woke up at 10 a.m this morning. Morning was good because my was in a good mood so she made breakfast for all. After that, I did some laundry, ironing and cleaning around the house. Then we all "pom pom" means bath (I like that word so much because it reminds me of the terms I used during my childhood) and headed to Subang Parade at around 5.30 pm because mom wants to replenish her facial products and I wanna get new bras and undies. I take advantage of my mom's good mood you see.....

mom's good mood = more $$$ to buy MY stuff

At Parkson, Subang Parade, mom and I shopped from bags to clothing to cosmetics to under garments. Phew...daddy followed us around and was too tired to catch up with us, he ended up on a couch. I was so fickle minded that time. Not knowing which foundation brands I should buy. Clinique or Bobbi Brown or Chanel (currently using). You see, I like to try different brands in order to know which one i preferred. I have combination skin and it's so god damn difficult to find the perfect foundation for me! Not that Chanel's foundation is not good, I'm just curious about other brands. I'm not loyal. In the end...I bought the Clinique Derma White 30 ml foundation, lingeries and just last weekend I bought a pair of Converse shoes and tops. So let's calculate how much I've spend in 2 days...

Clinique Derma White Foundation = RM 115
Lingeries = RM 150
Converse shoes = RM 189
Tops = RM 120

Total = RM 574

WOW...but all sponsored by Mom & Dad Co. So means more money for me to spend on food! Evill....

Plan for tomorrow:

Going Sunway Lagoon with Baby Bunny!! This furry cute animal is so sweet!! He's gonna make sandwiches tomorrow for his Baby Penguin which is ME! I'm so excited!! Can't wait for tomorrow to come! It's just 9 hours away till I see him. I miss him.

First Day

I'm so lazy to blog. I had this blog created a week ago and now i'm only posting. Yes. That's me. Erinn Wan. Lazy Penguin.

Yesterday I went out for breakfast with my fellow friends. Ate "bah kut teh" with See Ting, Sue-li, Shi Yan, Fang Chin, Chee Shin and Hong Yang. The weather was killing us but we still managed to eat happily. Happily i assumed. I was. Hah! Our (See Ting & mine) laughter was deafening and I apologize to all the uncles and aunties around us. Screw you for staring! EAT your fatty pork!
I'm so sorry to Fang Chin for my crankiness in the car. I'm like this when I'm hungry. My middle-finger-showcase to the car infront NEVER happen. It's a MIRAGE. =P

After breakfast, See Ting, Fang Chin, Sue-li, Shi Yan and I headed to KTV but the only people who are singing is See Ting, Fang Chin and Shi Yan. Haha! Sue-li and I....well.. we are just too shy. After an hour, we all went back home and all I did was surfed the internet, played game, jump around while listening to music and watch tv. And not forgetting my dinner! Today's dinner was great! =) I'm too lazy to type furthermore so I'll stop here. *perky smile*

I'm not a happening person and don't intend to be one either. Goodnight everybody.