you used to tell me what not do because it's wrong.
but now, you're doing it all because it's right to you now.
maybe that's who you are.
maybe i am what i am because you made me so.
i asked you the most important question.
"would you feel the same way as i am feeling right now if i did what you did?"
you paused for a long time....and said, "Yes."
that's the difference between me and you i guessed.
i mostly think before i act.
you'll do it then fix me later on.
maybe i do deserve to be treated so. who knows.
you may cross the line now.
and say goodbye forever.

When things aren't going smooth.. how can i seize the day? For the past few weeks had been a rough week - loads of drama and i can't deal with drama. I hate drama in my life. I like to go through my day effortlessly happy but sadly things aren't always what you expect. Seeing things that i do not wish to see and seeing how people change to become worst is so painful to my eyes. Why can't they see their mistakes and correct them instead of ignoring it. Why most of the people around me are annoying me? I feel like hanging a dead moose infront of my desk to scare the shit outta ppl so i could have a few wicked laughters. Stop poking me idiot and use crappy sarcasm on me!! It's not funny but i have to put on a smiling facade just so things are fine. Like i said, i don't like drama but i do enjoy watching drama. I do find Gossip Girl a lil dramatic & cliche but who cares...there's nothing to watch anymore. Besides, shopping doesn't really help to level up my endorphins but chocolates still do. Way to go cocoa. -_-

Every morning my Mom will ask me to pray to God for road safety. Looking right and left and say "ok", hop into the car and blast the stereo and drive while waving goodbye without saying a single word to God. Yes we sin everyday and must ask for forgiveness. I have collections of sins in my diary that i've written down so i could keep track on "How bad am i?" and wait for karma to get me.

I'm broke because attending parties does suck my wallet dry but hey! In returned, i get food, laughters and fun. I'm bloody impatient to upload pictures so i'll do it when i feel like it.

I'm wishing all the best to my good friend and hope she'll get well soon. She's a strong chick and i'm proud of the courage she owns to fight her illness. More shitake mushrooms for her!

Anyway it's getting late. Nights.

Very Manhattan...I don't even know what i'm saying but blah! First episode makes me wanna dig more. So much bitching. Kristen Bell (Veronica Mars) is the voice of Gossip Girl.

I'm guessing Chace Crawford (yes he's good looking)

or...

Pen Badgley (the charming one la..)

will mostly be every girls favourite but whatever. They are all good looking men. =)

As for me. Wentworth Miller is so 2006. Currently digging for Ed Westwick (playing Chuck Bass). He's so sexy bad. =D He looks like Joaquin Phoenix at some angles.

Killer.

turning 21.

i enjoyed my birthday celebration. honestly i did. thank you all. wonderful tasty birthday cakes, cocktails, presents, good music and company. *hands down*
but i'm still not accepting the fact that i'm 21. that means my dream mission of robbing the bank and drug trafficking (distributing "coke") is officially shattered. if i were to do it...my case would no longer consider a juvenille one and that will make my punishment a lot heavier compare to being 19. it's sad. i like being 19. 19 is good. i'm 19. yes i'm still 19 and this is why i'm hot! i don't need to be 21 to go clubbing and dance at the podium cos i rock it naturally and any age.

This is me and bunny boy. i love this lace outfit of mine.

tomorrow i have to finish my remaining drawings before work starts. planning to join yoga with See Ting next month. planning only. not too sure yet whether i would have the time. it's painful you know.

i'm downloading Gossip Girl. i don't know whether it's nice or not but i'm out of good shows to chase besides Prison Break season 3 and Heroes season 2 (Cut your damn hair Milo!!)

i can't wait to wear my new dress and shoes to Eugene's party! Yip yip!

Reality hurts. Honestly i have been feeling this way for the past 2 weeks. But i'm holding on. Trying to deal with all the horrible truths/bad news that's been pouring on me. Stop smacking negative facts on my face! My moods are constantly changing from feeling pissed to happy to frustrated to moody to fine to... confused and sad now. Stupid hormones of mine! Received a phone call last night that shocked the hell of me and your words made me rethinking about my life and how things could be slightly better or different if i were to do this and that and this and thaaaaatttt.... Gosh! This thinking process ate up my sleeping time and i woke up feeling crappy and looking like a zombie. I regretted for not going to Melbourne or UK to further study. I regretted for not being firm with my thoughts and decisions. I regretted being someone i can't be. I regretted for lying to myself and others. I regretted for not being a better friend. SIGH..so many things la. I regretted putting on a facade just to please others till people take me for granted. I really really really regretted so many things la...=( Yeah yeah.. people say don't look back but i want to. It might help hopefully.

I bet all of you don't have a clue about what i'm saying. Basically, i'm trying to say that... My life's a fairy tale and i intend to keep it that way forever because i don't have to deal with problems. Yes! So what if i don't grow... i didn't have things to be sad and worry about when i was a child. I get a sucker punch without a warning each time i step out of my comfort zone and into reality. Pain le... =(

I day dream alot now while working. I picture words like
"Cancer"
"Playground legend"
"Cheater"
"Tuberculosis"
"Liar"
"Girlfriend-beater"

very often in my fucking head and it bothers me too damn much. Maybe i'm too tired. Maybe i should sleep now... Maybe.

I was suppose to post this 2 days ago but blogger is another nuisance.