"Reason To Believe"

oh sweet lungs don't fail me now
your burning has turned into fear
drills me in my every step, i'm moving quick but you're always on my heels
just one more breath, i beg you please
just one more step, my knees are weak
my heart is sturdy but it needs you to survive
my heart is sturdy but it needs you...

breathe, don't you wanna breathe
i know that you are strong enough to handle what i need
my capillaries scream, there's nothing left to feed on
my body needs a reason to cross that line
will you carry me there one more time?

steady lungs, don't fail me now
i feel you bursting but you won't let me die
fill me up with every stepi'm feeling sick, but i'm leaving it behind
just one long breath i beg you please
just one more step you are not weak
my legs are sturdy but they need you to survive
my heart is sturdy but i need you...breathe, don't you wanna breathe
i know that you are strong enough to handle what i need
my capillaries scream, there's nothing left to feed on
my body needs a reason to cross that line
will you carry me there once more?

breathe, don't you wanna breathe
i know that you are strong enough to handle what i need
my capillaries scream, there's nothing left to feed on
my body needs a reason to cross that line
will you carry me there one more time?

i have reason to believe that i have victories to taste
i can feel them on my teeth, upon my lips and in my chest
i can roll them on my tongue, they are more subtle than defeat
i feel the tension in my lungs and every move is filled by my resolve to
breathe, don't you wanna breathe
i know that you are strong enough to handle what i need
my capillaries scream, there's nothing left to feed on
my body needs a reason to cross that line
will you carry me there one more time?

~Dashboard Confessional

i don't control you. but why can't in return, i get sense of security from you? must i be controlling and possessive in order to feel secure? must i state some ground rules like the rest of the girls to avoid future problems? must i tell you every bloody "what not to do" thing? i've asked around bout this and it is you they say. you're problem. you hide, you run, you drag shits and leave me to clean the mess up. then you shit again and again after that. then you wait for me to detect the trails of shit you left behind so i could clean it up. the thing is i don't have to detect where's the shit... ppl tell me where to go to find that fucking dunk of yours so i could do stg about it because they pity me for being so god damn stupid. and i did... i swear i tried... but then you will just shit again in future. it's like a habit. how can i kill a habit? but no matter what... i know i still love you deeply.

Jonz Kelvin Lim Shi Jin is FUNNY!

HAHAhahaHAHAHahaha!

Yo.... both of us laughed so much today in mamak. Like small kiddos. There were lotsa poking, beating, struggling and many movements involved. We so don't look like we're dating but like really best friends acting like monkeys in public. The pigeon wings are darn small! I miss dressing up like a tom boy. I just feel so "Zhu-Jinn" when i'm in bermudas, t-shirt and flip flops. It's so comfortable....

We were telling each other what names we like. Chermaine, Charmain, Carmen, Kelvin, Celsius, Fahrenheit and other "unique" names. I'm so happy today. He made my evening happy.

Tommy (lecturer) made my daytime stressful. Like a lil mouse trap in a box filled with CO2. *wheezeee* Everyone got fucked. But it's good to work under pressure at times. York Peng was like "tiu" here and there, "tu lan", "chi bai", "lan ciao" and "niabe" after critic session. Chili padi la that boy.

k la... gtg. got class later. Goodnight!

ps: Thank you for yr encouraging email Thyana. *big big huggies* I received yr sms. Will reply yr mail soon!

Love you all!! Muakcs! Bye....

delirium trigger

i failed for my stage mock this week... he said i think too much/too hardworking till my idea is blurring out.
in his class, either you fail or pass.
there's NO such thing as passing with flying colours because he won't let you. he'll snatch away your colours. he will break your wings so you can't fly...
well of course if students do get at B+ or A-... *hands down*
i hold my tears in class. eugene girl was crying continuously... the sentence, "eugene, you got a major problem so you FAILED" is a very pain in the ass sentence to receive from Tommy. it's like death sentence. he's so famous in failing people. the fear is there each time he gives you an assignment.
i tell you... after critic, i'm sorta deaf. i only can hear my lil voice. i'm so restless, panicking, mental confusion, wasn't clear with what i'm thinking. my brain just process so fast that i couldn't catch up with the speed. DELIRIUM state.
shi jin accompany me to eat ice cream after that. i tried so hard not think. but when i got into the car. BANG! my tears kept flowing down. my eyeliner's melting. i don't wanna see Tommy next term.

Thank you Shi Jin and Thyana. Thyana, sigh... I just hate being the weak ones. Design is so subjective.

i'll work on my design. you want idea strength. i give you that. you want me to take risk and not think so much. FINE. friday will come and i'll shock you with my stage. you'll see. i'll make sure final model is perfect and when i on the switch... you blink blink in the black box and pass me.




hopefully...

You line them up
Look at your shoes
You hang names on your wall
Then you shoot them all

You fly around in planes
That bring you down
To meet me who loves you, like
Me crashing to the ground

Are you so lonely?
Don't even know me
But you'd like to stone me

Mr Writer, why don't you tell it like it is?
Why don't you tell it like it really is?
Before you go on home

I used to treat you right
Give you my time
But when I'd turn my back on you
Then you do what you do

You've just enough, in my own view

Education to perform
I'd like to shoot you all
And then you go home
With you on your own
What do you really know?

Mr Writer, why don't you tell it like it is?
Why don't you tell it like it really is?
Before you go on home
And then you go home
With you on your own
What do you even know?

Mr Writer, why don't you tell it like it is?
Why don't you tell it like it really is?
Before you go on home

Mr Writer, why don't you tell it like it is?
Why don't you tell it like it always is?
Before you go on home

Stereophonics - Mr Writer

______________________________

I love this song since highschool. If i'm not mistaken, when i was form3 i used to listen to this song over and over again. I feel so much for this song. I kinda like British rock. I find them more artistic American rock.

I'm so awake. Just came back from mamak with my friends. The "teh tarik" is so nice that i gotta order it everytime i'm there. At least 2 glasses. I felt so stressed out and screwed up the whole day time and thank goodness for See Ting + gang to cheer me up. "Yo yo Chin Yong" is so funny with his misleading terms. And the big bugs are attacking Fang Chin. He claims he's good looking that's why. Oh and he blogs for Channel V!! I found out today but i forgot to ask for the link. And Chee Shin seems to love wearing eye catching colours. Very contrast with his tan skin tone.

Sue-li, See Ting and I was talking bout our highschool days. It was so fun back then. FUN was the main thing in our lifes that time. See Ting was the hot tempered girl who "merajuks" at people so easily, you won't even see it coming. Sue-li is like the pretty, adorable girl next door with her angelic personality, Cheng Cheng was like our PR manager who helps us gain guy friends. She practically knows everyone in Klang la. Juliana is angel No. 2 BUT dirty minded. I still remembered she got so excited watching Species and Eyes Wide Shut. She's ALWAYS so gentle, cheerful and soft spoken.

Now that i'm 20. I expected alot from my senior friends. I think Siew Mei and Foo are childish adults. Haha! No offence la but their childishness does make me laugh at times.

Sigh... See Ting said I look better when I was in Form 4. Healthier with a lil meat. Now i look sick, old and unhealty. But I like me now. I consider myself a lil fleshy when i was form 4 and 5. Anyway, my grandma doesn't like my body and actually thought i was sick. No i don't have disease grandma. I'm taking vitamines now and exercise too.

Today mom when for her first treatment at London Weight Management and she was happy with the results. For the past few days, she kept asking me which beauty centre she should choose. Either Slimming Sanctuary or LWM. So i was reading the brochures and helping her to decide. Finally she said she gonna sign up for both. She wants the spa at Slimming Sanctuary and some slimming programme at LWM. Dad came home panicking because the bank called and said there was a large sum transaction being made and bla bla bla. He was like "what the hell yr mom bought until Rm 7000?". I told him to chill because maybe mom had sign up for the courses at LWM and SS. Then he asked, "what London arh? what's that?". So cute la my daddy.

We had no dinner because mom came home late! She came home smiling gleefully but guilty.

Wow... 3 am d?! Okie gotta go. I have class tomorrow. Goodnight.

aloha happy friday

I've realized today is a free Friday. I have no class on Fridays but usually it's usually filled with "happening activities" like site visit, group discussion, project meetings and graduation campaign meetings. I woke up at 11.30 am this morning and watch tv while eating my Post Blueberry Morning cereal. It's been a while since i've enjoyed breakfast alone. Then i clean my cupboard and took out all the clothes i don't wear anymore. At 3 pm, i went to post office to send my wonderful gift to Thyana in Australia. I hope she likes it.

I wanna thank you Shi Jin for the lovely gifts that you gave me recently. A mini skirt and a cool jeans vest. I owe you a lot. =( Let's so swimming together one day yaaaa and another bed fight like the other day. *penguin with the cape on saying "i'm strong!" nyah-hahaha!!!* Let's go eat cheese naan on Saturday night!

Just now when i was cleaning my cupboard. I found old pics of me and GOSH! I was so chubby back then. More too fleshy la...I saw my face and neck and arms.. UGH!! I was shaking my head and hide the pics back to where i found it. I swear I'm not gonna eat 6 packets of Julie's peanutbutter biscuit at 12.30 am again which i did last night. This what happens when i put snacks in my room. Haha!! Maybe i'll eat 3 packets everyday and exercise to balance it up. *rolling my eyes thinking "yeah Okaayyy.."*

Question 1: Why the hell Kristen Dunst have to play the role of Marie Antoinette? I dislike seeing her on screen. I don't know why??

Question 2: Why am i not interested to watch Flushed Away?

I seriously have to get prepared to watch A Night At The Museum. I'm a chicken ass and i don't really like watching horror films. Shi Jin wants to watch it so..... mommieeeeee....! But i do enjoy certain horror films la like I Know What You Did Last Summer, Sleepy Hollow and Sixth Sense. Notice it's all old movies? Hehe!

Okay...dinner time!

busy

busy with my stage mock ups and finals. one more month to go and i'm starting to paranoid already. let's hope i don't cut my finger. i always do when ever i do models.
trying to do pop up design for my Big Fish A5 booklet. now still experimenting... argh!! it's so difficult to score Tommy's class. But he's one of the best lecturer i've ever had.

had lunch with shi jin at jack's place today. the set lunch for today isn't bad. quite tasty. phoebe was with us but she's waiting for alvin to come. they argude infront of us. though it is not a pleasant moment but jin and i sure did wanted to laugh because it's so cute but we held our laughter and just continue eating.

follwing mom to church tomorrow to take pics for my interior science II assignment. gonna studying the space, lighting and waste system. i'm not a Christian. my mom and brother is one- Roman Catholics and they are proud of it. i kinda dislike it when ppl ask me, when am i converting. no harm with the question but i'm so tired to answer them. sorry i'm not going to so mind yr own business. it isn't wrong to not have a religion. i choose my path, i WILL handle the consequences. don't get me wrong, i am interested to learn about all kinds of religion including cult. i'm just NOT interested to have one that's all. FYI i dislike teens who call themselves as Christians but don't even practise the religion or go to church on Sabbath day. it's pure BULLSHIT to me. no offence but it's really fucking bullshit. unless your reason is yr parents don't allow you too or stg. if one tells me that non Christians will go to hell, Erinn will tell you that you're coming to hell with me too so fuck off and i'll see ya when u get "there".