Paradox

It starts to get dark at 4.30pm. Sigh. I'm so unhappy today. My thoughts are all over. Sometimes i wonder i should follow the heart or to do what's right. If i do what is right, i'll be in pain. If i follow my my heart, i'll cause pain. Either way it will never be a good ending. Over here in Salford, i have more time to focus and think carefully about what i want, what i need to do, where i wanna go & who i wanna be. I wanna be ordinary. A less complex person. An interior designer who loves her job and travel around for vacation. No big dreams. No big cash. No fancy life. Just ordinary. Sometimes i lose my answers.

I don't have class today. But i was up at 7am - lying in bed for 2 hours staring at the ceiling. Flashing back everything that i've been through for the past 2 years. It's not easy to let go of mommy. I still think about her most of the time. When i'm here, i think about her more often. I haven't move on. Maybe i don't want to. Thought about my relationship - where is it going? I'll like to hold your hand and walk with you but i can't.
I'm tired of being a melancholic person. I really am.

I have tutorial session tomorrow and i really like my design. Hopefully i score for this. Gonna get back to my drawings.

Found a way to keep in touch with Cantonese language. TVB drama series. The plot is always the same. But it's a way to improve my language. Haven't been speaking much Cantonese since i got here. Dah la my Cantonese sucks and i speak like ang moh. Now standard drop. Jeffrey, Hendrie and Eric sure will tease at me when i come home.

"yat lou cho yeh, yat lou dai hei".
*Has always been a habit since young. That's how i score straight A's for SPM & PMR.*

Sigh... It's 1.47am and i've just completed reading about Floor System. Today's Nerd Day.- stayed at home the whole day researching and gathering information for my Architectural Techonology and Spatial Design subject. I've promised ppl i'll upload pictures of Manchester but i'm still sorting out photos. So let's skip to my gliding experience!

So 2 weeks ago, i went to Bowland Forest for flying lessons on a Saturday!! Weather was a little gloomy but it was still okay to fly. I've joined the Gliding Club and i think i'm gonna enjoy myself a lot learning about gliding. Though i need to take quite a number of lessons to actually be qualified to fly solo but it's still fun to be able to take control for a short moment while i'm up in the air. Launching was scary because you're sitting in front and watching yrself being elevated scares the shit out of me but once you're up there... the view is gorgeous!!!

p/s: drove a small tractor too! aiseh..it's been a while since i've drove a stick.