No matter how much i party and have fun, it's never gonna kill the loneliness i feel most of the time. But time is passing so fast. You're coming back here and i'm leaving. It's going to be even tougher than now. Oh god...Thank you for calling just now. Your cute conversation does minus of the gloominess.

Jumping to work. Yeap. Work is as usual stressful yet exciting in some ways. I'm starting to "grow" in this lil company and don't feel like leaving my comfort zone but i have to. I must do my thing! I must travel! I wanna be adventurous, free-spirited and unpredictable. Start fresh all over again at a foreign country where no one knows whose Erinn Wan Zhu-Jinn. I love that. I can be the new me without having someone to "keep an eye". Work hard and be successful and buy all the Chanel stuff i'm dreaming for. Adopt more children from World Vision especially those sepet looking ones like me.

I really hope to keep up with this motivation that's burning in me now because i'm easily contented (depending on the subject), go with the flow and having this "oh fuck it" attitude. Seriously Erinn... try to be a lil more ambitious.

Grossed Out!

Thanks to Michelle, i actually surf Crime Library and Wikipedia everyday just to read about serial killers. This interest started of when i watched the movie The Stranger Beside Me few years back. It's based on a true story about Ted Bundy (go look up, i'm so lazy to explain). Today i read about Dr. Joseph Mengele Angel ofDeath, a Nazi doctor who experiments on genetic abnormabilities by killing innocents in his very own cruel ways. Read if you're interested.

Mengele arrived in Auschwitz on May 30, 1943. He was 32, from a Catholic family, and had long been a Nazi enthusiast. In school, his specialty had been physical anthropology and genetics, and he was fully committed to bringing science into the service of the Nazi enterprise. In fact, he specifically asked to be sent to Auschwitz because of opportunities such a place could provide for his research.

In charge of the "selections" process, he'd show up at the prisoner transports looking quite elegant, and would decide at a glance each person's destiny. If anyone started trouble over being separated from a relative, he might wordlessly beat or shoot them both. He appeared to have no conscience, and sent anyone with an imperfection (including imperfect height) right to the gas chamber. However, he kept the twins, as many sets of doubles as he could find. They were destined for his labs.

Mengele enjoyed his powerful position and was completely at home with his tasks. To uphold the Nazi ideal of racial purification was his driving motivation. Yet no one quite knew what to expect. Even as he separated families and killed with impunity, he might step into the role of concerned physician and whimsically allow some people to live. The power of life and death resided in him.
In his desire to improve the efficiency of the camp as a killing machine, he taught other doctors how to give phenol injections to a long line of prisoners, quickly ending their lives. He also shot people, and by some reports he tossed live babies into the crematoria. Throughout all of this, he kept a detached, efficient demeanor and viewed himself as strictly a scientist.

Mengele's great passion was his research on twins. They were weighed, measured, and compared in every way. Blood was endlessly withdrawn and they were questioned about their family histories. Some he would kill for pathological examinations, dissecting a few himself and keeping a few parts preserved. Others he might operate on without anesthesia, removing limbs or sexual organs. He even did some sex-change operations. If one twin died during these experiments, the other was no longer of use, so he or she was simply gassed.

Substances (chloroforms) were injected into living children to see how they reacted, often damaging or killing them. It didn't matter much to Mengele; there were always more on the way. Yet even as he targeted them for mutilation or death, he'd play with them and show great affection. Afterward, he might walk around with their heads or pin their eyes to a bulletin board.

He also studied dwarves and particular types of mutilating diseases, but one odd experiment was his attempt to change eye colour to blue. He'd inject the eyes of children with a chemical that caused immense pain and even blindness, but which failed to have the desired effect. Those who worked with him thought him scientifically irresponsible and naïve.

Overall, Mengele was caught up with the idea of genetic cultivation of a superior race, and his esteemed position there at the camp fed his desire to be a god. He kept notes on all of his procedures to send to his mentor, but most of these were lost. After the war, Mengele escaped the Nuremburg trials and fled to South America. He died in 1979 and his remains were identified by a team of forensic anthropologists. Even so, his evil lives on in the fictions and fantasies of a cruel doctor who killed without conscience and was responsible for the destruction of many thousands of innocent people.

*extracted frm Crime Library.

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I just wanna wish you ♥Happy Anniversary ♥!! It's already the 3rd year and i can't believe it! No matter how rough the road was back then, i still wanna say thank you so much for everything you've done to please me and for all the happy moments, surprises & etc. again just in case i didn't say enough. I know i'm can be hard to please and i knowwww i have given you hard times with my tantrums, fussiness and sensitivity but you dealt with it with much much patience and love and i wanna say, "Good job!! Keep it up!". =P ♥
I'm glad to say this long distance relationship is kinda working out. I'm sorry that i had my doubts but i'm thankful now because you convinced me and gave me courage to take a step forward. Back at those days before you went over there, i was really surprised with all your plans on how this L.D.R gonna work. Really.. i was so touched with you trying your very best to be there for me, go online immediately after school, sending me wonderful gifts and spend so much on international phone calls. A friend told me that i don't really love you that's why i didn't went nuts when we're apart. But i think we have past the "i miss you so much till i can bite my own arm of!" moment. Now i think we have mature to a another level that we could be apart yet still keep our hearts close to each other. =) I love you dearly. Happy Anniversary Shi Jin.





















ps: Listen to "our song" alright after this. Hope you like the colour concept. Green= ♥Growth

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