Monday, June 21, 2010

I don't think I have changed. I think I just improved.

It's good to be back to Malaysia for the summer especially in Klang. I appreciate so much more than i used too. I can feel the humidity on my skin. So warm yet damp. It's raining very heavy now and I think I'm pretty much over my jet lag. Hopefully. But I was afraid to come home because it will remind me of things I don't want to be reminded. Things will be clearer and my chest will be heavier than it was.

I ensure I keep myself occupied. Keeping myself busy and tired means keeping me from being at a certain state which i hate the most and want to avoid. It's been 2 years since then. But every moment still seem so crystal clear. Today I went for Sunday mass and I cried so much as usual. Until today I never say prayers instead every time I always ask God -- "Why?" Because what happened doesn't make any damn sense and I want to know WHY.

I know I will never get the answer but I will ask this until the day I die.