mirage

Peludah Warna

2011-07-08T08:41:00.001+08:00

Kuasa gusar kini menggelegak murka;
warna kuning diisytihar racun terbisa.
Diragutnya baju-T segeram tenaga
dan diumum itulah busana bahaya.

Tapi, kita jahit semula perca kain,
menjadikannya panji terindah dan tulen.
Warna kuning yang teramat tenang dan syahdu
kita kembalikan damai ke dalam qalbu.

Kini cahaya mentari mungkin diramas
dan sinar kuningnya juga mungkin dicantas.
Memanglah mereka kini peludah warna
sedang menghimpun lendir kahak sebanyaknya.

Kerana nikmat amat lama berkuasa,
kuasa pun seolah menjadi hartanya.

A Samad Said

Seeking courage

2011-05-09T22:48:00.002+08:00

"People create their own questions because they are afraid to look straight. All you have to do is look straight and see the road, and when you see it, don't sit looking at it - walk."

Ayn Rand

When something shakes my courage, the only way to regain is to read this quote by Ayn Rand over and over again. People always say I'm brave but they don't know how afraid I am inside at times. When I turn back, I'm amazed with the leap I took for the past couple of years. I don't know if it's a right move but we'll see.

A lost sheep in a Russian Orthodox Church during Easter Sunday

2011-04-26T05:33:00.009+08:00

Finished work on Sunday 12.30am and rushed to The "Pokrov" (Intercession of the Holy Virgin Russian Orthodox Church) for the Pascha and was there till 5am only because I had to leave and get some sleep before I started work at 12pm. This parish celebrated the Pascha starting from Holy Saturday (9pm) till Easter Sunday (10am -11am). Can't believe I stood for 3 hours straight! Of course my feet were killing me. This is my very first time in a Russian Orthodox church and I felt very very lost at first when I got there. First I'm the only Asian and secondly, I speak NO RUSSIAN. The service was conducted in Russian of course but thanks to my Brother's quick 15 minutes lesson on skype, I somewhat managed to survive that night. I did remember to cross from RIGHT TO LEFT and bow a little and make sure my scarf was covering my head. So much of bowing that night. I don't know if I would go back there again because almost no one speaks English except for very few people but it was a great experience.

A residential house converted into a church.

The priest giving a speech during the feast.

A Good Life.

2011-04-18T02:25:00.003+08:00

Many associate doing good with happiness. Doing good not necessary makes you happy. There are times when we struggle between doing good and being happy.

If you do not understand this, meaning you're constantly doing things that makes you happy without thinking whether it's good or bad. To some people, not getting what you want or desire is so foreign and difficult to understand.

Example of a scenario. It's can be a ridiculous example but it proves how one can be very ignorant.

I want to eat egg tarts but I can't because I promise to stay away from egg tarts.

Here's the argument:

"Then just eat it! Why torture yourself? It's just egg tart. How much harm can it do?"

"But... I want to stay away from it. It's an act of discipline. Abstinence from the tartttt."

"But it's just an egg tart. Look at you, you're so desperate for it because you cannot have it. Why not just eat the damn tart so you can be happy!"

"I want to but I won't. For now."

"You're being ridiculous."

Everyone is selfish in their own ways and I don't expect everyone to understand my act. But I do appreciate if one actually stop and think about it. You don't have to perform it you just have to understand the rationale behind it.

Sometimes a little sacrifice can do a lot. Maybe I should read Aristotle's ethics and moral theories to have a better understanding of A Good Life.

2011-04-17T21:17:00.005+08:00

This week I met a man who has a brain tumour and he's on heavy medication to keep himself alive. When he has a terrible pain in the head, he'll pop his medication and that's when he's a little on the mental side but other days he's fine and wants to help around in the centre. He was then given the task to make these simple costumes with bedsheets for an upcoming play. I sat at a corner looking at him making the costumes for and I couldn't help but teared in the washroom later because I don't think I can be working with someone whom I know may leave me anytime. We don't speak because he's from Eastern Europe and he speaks very little English. I left the centre immediately because I don't think I can control my emotions on that day.

Sometimes I feel so useless because I cannot separate these feelings from work. I know I would see him soon this week and look forward to all the costumes he made. Sheesh.. writing this post is watering up my eyes.

Can't wait for Easter Sunday to come. No because I can't wait to eat meat but I just wanna celebrate my very fist "sort of" successful Lent. I hate to admit it but I did eat chocolates. =( But no egg tarts definitely.

I was bored for 10 minutes and said to myself, "hey why not camwhore a little since I have red lipstick on."

I cut my own fringe 2 weeks ago. That's the week I was working on my Professional Design 3 and I was so stressed out and decided to take the scissors and chop-chop! Ugh.. my fringe was so horrible and I was wearing a hat to cover my horrible mistake. My friends laughed of course but now the length is alright to walk in public. Still not liking it but hey, what's done is done.

Back to assignments.

"Jinn" (The chinese character is Kuan = Jinn)

2011-04-10T08:29:00.003+08:00

I'm officially a Chinese girl working in a Chinese take out place. I find this so bloody hilarious when I came back from work today. Anyway, I'm so way behind my final work and I really need to catch up!! One more month to my final design deadline. Yikes! I'm so slow in model-making and I'm so worried!!

This was the model that I've did pretty "cincai" for my Gallery Cafe submission. My cutting skills are degrading.

I should have done this last year.

2011-03-30T23:08:00.006+08:00

The longer I stay in Manchester, the more I feel like I belong here. Working in Malaysia or Asia especially in the city can be suffocating for me now. Just thinking about it makes me so afraid to go back. Asians are so materialistic. Even if you're not, I believe sooner or later you'll just be sucked into that world because the atmosphere and people that surround you everyday just doesn't allow you to think further and grow. Well, you grow to want money and luxury items I guessed. I am a little bit materialistic but slowly I've come to my senses and moving away from that thought and desire. Most EUs don't even care whether you're wearing a luxury bag/apparel or not and because most of them don't bother, you tend to not bother. And the atmosphere here is so healthy for me. It really makes you focus on much important matters in life and build healthy characteristics rather than working your ass of day and night just for luxury. The meaning of comfortable life is so distorted from where I come from. Being in overseas has made me embrace my Malaysian side and Chinese culture. I do miss my Malaysian culture. =( Thus, still proud being an exotic Asian (Hehe..=D) but I just don't want to be sucked into the poor working ethics. I've been there. My previous company was, well in urban terms, "an ass". The crazy hours + meager earnings + lousy management, still leaves a bitter taste in my tongue when I think about my past experiences. Add peer pressure to that equation, "mampus la". It's the cognitive environment/culture which made you and everyone else think it's a NORMAL situation but now as I move further from the picture, it was so abnormal and an unhealthy concept of living. But who knows, maybe I might not be able to stay here and have to move back to Malaysia. It's not entirely negative but I know what I will be missing out in future. I just have to resort to our good food for comfort.

I should have done volunteer work a long time ago. I considered myself lazy last year for not trying hard enough to get involve in voluntary work.

"Seperti melepaskan batuk di tangga".

I want to keep this spirit even if I'm back in Malaysia. Each time I come back from the centre, I feel so uplifted! Every week I meet so many colourful people and gain different experiences from working in the centre (similar to event management but not the same class of people of course). I have to admit I am shocked at times and it's difficult to keep a straight face or not be emotional when I hear about their rough stories because I really don't know how rough can the streets be like. I cannot even picture being in a ghetto neighbourhood or circle (watching movies doesn't count). So I'm not 'feeling' it, yo.

Gosh this job is really overwhelming but in a positive way!

Okay, time to get back in doing my CAD plans. Final project deadline is so close!! Yikes!

On a cold cold Sunday

2011-02-21T06:33:00.003+08:00

I have to focus on my work. I've been procrastinating for too long! My dissertation, my final design project and my other professional design work AND my portfolio!! So much work to do and I'm wasting time watching drama series and snacking. As I my dissertation, after each paragraph, I take a bite of Milka chocolates which I know I will pay for it later on at the gym. This has to stop. Maybe this is another way on channeling my stress you think?

Oh! And just half an hour ago, I purchased 2 used books from AbeBooks which is considered a splurge because I have no time to read or will not read until I graduate or should be reading design/architecture books. I subscribed to 1 year subscription of Wallpaper magazine; I have Lorraine Farrelly's The Fundamentals of Architecture in my Amazon cart; I have 2 new Frame magazines lying on my carpet; I'm not done reading What Your Teacher Didn't Tell You by Farish Noor; the plastic seal on The Complete Maus illustration book given by my brother is still intact. I thought the 30 minutes bus ride to work from Salford to Bury would allow me to read a book but since last 2 weeks ago, Fu is able to pick me up from the city meaning I walk to the city now to meet him and no riding the bus anymore. I barely take the university bus so there. I think I should start purchasing audio books which I don't really like because my hearing is bad (for my age) and I prefer to own a physical copy of the book.

I've been drinking too much homemade "Irish" coffee and it needs to stop because it's an addiction and not a good one. I drink it in the mornings, afternoons and nights and this addiction is not going anywhere good when you start to sneak around and secretly make Irish coffee in the common kitchen and hoping your flat mates don't walk in to you pouring Baileys into your coffee cup. I think I have to go to Aldi and buy a bottle of Baileys to refill into the current bottle so it doesn't get suspicious.

I have to shower and complete my brief for my major design project and prepare myself for tomorrow's tutorial with Trevor.

Have a good day!

People.

2011-02-19T23:36:00.011+08:00

Dig down

2011-02-12T11:50:00.003+08:00

.
..
...

After holding up for more than a week, I finally broke down on my knees and cried for 2 days straight. I guessed the more you hold it in the more you let out afterwards. I barely left my room for 3 days and of course this concerns my Polish flatmate. Later then she gave me a few task to do just so I would get out of the apartment. So I did except for eating half a bar of chocolate because I'm having a bad cold and sorethroat.

1. do laundry

2. clean my room

3. grocery shopping for milk, eggs, Nutella & jam

4. head to work at 4.30pm.

I ate so much of prawns and spring rolls in the kitchen at work. Now I have pancakes as comfort food that Barbara made to cheer me up after work. It's 2am (Manchester time) and my calorie intake is not an issue at the moment.

Later (Saturday 10am) I'm going on a Manchester Underground tour with Barbara and Devora. It's going to be an even more wet, humid and cold air through the spooky tunnel. Hope it doesn't smell bad. Pretty excited about it!

You won't know and will never know

2011-02-10T05:57:00.002+08:00

Two cards, two impossible future.
People always say it comes and goes.
Mine comes and goes and comes back again.
And goes again?

The brain juice is flowing

2011-02-08T07:02:00.003+08:00

I'm relieved that my lecturer liked my proposed ideas for my FINAL design project because this is my last assignment in my University years to design something without concerning about the project budget, drawing details and on-going site problems but actually focus on the design concept itself. I'm very excited about my ideas! Visiting Melbourne last Christmas really helped me a lot in designing my very own brief. Cross fingers to my outcomes for this project.

I'm so reluctant to work in Kuala Lumpur... again, because you rarely able to find someone out there who appreciates the concept behind a proposed interior design except for the company Paul & Pris where I did my summer internship in 2010 back in Klang, Malaysia. Most companies and clients just want it to look beautiful or look designer-ish which is not what I want to do in my working life.

Oh England, I forgive your weather. Just give me a job opportunity so I can start a life here.

I dislike

2011-02-08T06:57:00.002+08:00

Reformatting my computer.

Restoring the system for someone else's laptop (Barbara's laptop).

But I manage to succeed in both tasks.

Finally I've finished this book and I really like it.

2011-02-07T07:48:00.003+08:00

My 2010 Chirstmas present. Thank you Bro.

Where do you start?

2011-02-01T23:03:00.007+08:00

I have no fancy words or mighty Christian vocabulary for this blog post. I pen down what's exactly in my head now.

Where do you go to seek your faith? It's good to know that being a Christian is more than just attending church, reading the Bible and getting involve in church/youth activities. It's actually living the Christian life itself. I have many Christian friends who bullshits to me. Looking all holy and thinking they have a strong faith and all that. In the end, they are no different from me. At least I don't live in denial and I know I'm not fit yet to practice the religion but I'm taking baby steps. It's so hard for me because I have no motivation or the will or maybe I'm just lazy. I skip church services, I gossip, I steal sometimes, I prejudice certain races, I have sex, I smoke stuff I shouldn't be smoking, I lie, I have dirty thoughts and much more. I need cleansing treatments. I need to get out from my world.

Just few weeks ago I discovered my Jesus-loving-I-love-and-care-for-the-whole-world is an anti-Semite. So it doesn't matter what you do or portray yourself to be but it's all about the inner thoughts and true feelings you've got deep down. This then brought me to question my inner thoughts and this is how I know that I'm not ready. I think it's better to admit your sins and (maybe) continue the sins, but denying it, is worse isn't it? Because if He's real, there's no way you can lie to Him. Another thing is to know is to love and if you don't know so many things

about the religion itself, how one can one love? The worst is to think you know it all but the truth is you don't. I don't know if what I'm typing makes sense.

But I want to be ready someday. I really want to.

When the 'someday' comes, I want to walk in this shoes with these stockings.

2011-01-31T04:53:00.002+08:00

Today my Brother told me that:

The gu zheng works on a 6-string scale: do, re, mi, so, la. So all the songs sound melancholic.

There are only four themes: love-making, sadness, drunkenness and suicide.

Now I know why most award winning Chinese films are depressing or everyone dies in the end, like:

2011-01-29T09:57:00.003+08:00

Just when I thought I managed to escape 'it', 'it' comes back to amuse me.

I'm addicted to

2011-01-27T23:35:00.003+08:00

13 years and still counting

2011-01-25T09:26:00.007+08:00

After so many years telling her I'll come visit her in Melbourne, I finally did after 7 years...

ps: I just noticed there's a heart shape on the wall in the second picture. This can tell funny stories if you're imaginative.

Skin care vs Wrinkles

2011-01-24T04:19:00.006+08:00

It's gonna be a 'blonde' post.

Today in the afternoon I chatted with Sarah about skin care and it made me realized that I'm maybe too lazy to take care of my skin like I used too. I skipped many steps and right now I think I have to put a little more effort because I regret. The whole issue of turning 25 just hit me yesterday. While I was at work -- folding napkins with other work colleagues - one of them was complaining about herself turning 21. I didn't say anything of course because I clearly remembered how I reacted when turning 21. Haha. I didn't want to celebrate my 21st birthday and I was whining and whining and whining in the office even though my colleagues were so sweet to buy me a cake and open a bottle of red wine at 4 pm. My Mom and Dad was asking me whether I want to throw a party and I kept saying "shoosh!" while wishing 25 Sept will never come. But I did loved all the presents.

Anyway... back to the story. So we were all folding napkins while the girl was complaining, someone ask me how old am I. Then I said, " Twenty-three. Eh, wait! No I'm not! I'm TWENTY-FIVE! Twenty-five. Hehe." Laying the folded napkin down on the right.

I actually forgotten I'm 25 this year 2011! Friends complained being single, having bad relationships, marriage, babies, career and etc etc but what about mine? What's my complaint for turning 25?

My skin is dehydrated from the weather and my fat cells are building up around my hips. There! So as advised, I will look into my daily skin care regime and hit the gym to obtain a healthy heart. Serum, eye cream, serum, eye cream, day cream, night cream, serum, eye cream...Run, run, run.

Money can't buy you class

2011-01-17T04:51:00.003+08:00

I've been travelling to and fro from Manchester to Malaysia quite often or I can say I've been travelling quite a lot in this past 2 years especially with Emirates Airline. Just by looking at the conditions of the plane tell a lot about the 'people'. When the aircraft lands in Dubai Airport, while disembarking the plane dragging your mini luggage, just take a look at the seats and floor especially in the business and first class. You'll be amazed how dirty and untidy is looks -- like rats nesting in there for 7 hours. Maybe a rat's nest is even tidier than this. The toilets are also dirty most of the time with crumpled tissues and paper cups every where. Hey why throw into the bin when you can leave it on the counter top? Ironically the economy class looks way cleaner than the first and business class seats. I don't see this untidiness when I flew to Germany, Japan or Melbourne. Just to Dubai. What does this tell you? It tells me that most (not all) of them are just barbarians with a lot of money.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bcuAw77J8_Y

2010-11-27T07:29:00.004+08:00

People

Always

L e a

Not forgotten

2010-11-17T03:36:00.003+08:00

I sat here for almost an hour in front of my desk doing nothing but surfing the web. It's a waste of time but I am doing and still doing it. This is my 3rd cup of hot green tea that I've made to warm myself up but doesn't seem to help to loosen up my cold stiff fingers. I skipped gym because I don't think I have the will to walk to the gym in this crispy cold air.

I haven't given up on writing my blog. I just have nothing interesting to write about. Like now. Eventful events are just eventful events. After a day, the moment has passed and it's just an ordinary week after that. I enjoyed myself, gone tipsy and sometimes crazy but I have absolutely no enthutiasm to describe my ultimately happy times. "Ultimately happy times" sounds like a sentence to describe great sex huh? Hah!

I don't even know why I decided to write today. I blame my the green tea that is filling up my blader and my cold fingers, causing me to lose focus on writing my dissertation and drift to my wonderful-interesting-awesome blog.

After my tutorial session today, I sat in the studio thinking about my next move/plan for next year after I graduate. Phedon and Conan was around the table talking and I was listening and participated in their conversation but a there's a little part of my mind that's processing the thought that I was telling about. Job in Manchester, job in London, job in a small company, job in a large company, England or the US, will i be sad working in Malaysia, etc. To be honest, I don't want to go back to Malaysia because I would like to be a way from everyone & everything that's familiar back at home. And then f course one bloody idiot will ask, WHY?. See.. I don't know! I really don't. I just don't want to. There might be many reasons in my cluttered mind but for now, I don't know.

See, it's such a bummer to even spill out these thoughts of mine. I don't want to brood or cry or sulk for the next few days. It's meaningless and will never end. This is exactly why I seldom write. I'm such a melancholic person inside, I have no cheerful words or positive post to blog.

Goodnight Manchester.

2010-06-21T01:09:00.002+08:00

I don't think I have changed. I think I just improved.

It's good to be back to Malaysia for the summer especially in Klang. I appreciate so much more than i used too. I can feel the humidity on my skin. So warm yet damp. It's raining very heavy now and I think I'm pretty much over my jet lag. Hopefully. But I was afraid to come home because it will remind me of things I don't want to be reminded. Things will be clearer and my chest will be heavier than it was.

I ensure I keep myself occupied. Keeping myself busy and tired means keeping me from being at a certain state which i hate the most and want to avoid. It's been 2 years since then. But every moment still seem so crystal clear. Today I went for Sunday mass and I cried so much as usual. Until today I never say prayers instead every time I always ask God -- "Why?" Because what happened doesn't make any damn sense and I want to know WHY.

I know I will never get the answer but I will ask this until the day I die.

I have all the time in the world now...

2010-05-18T05:16:00.011+08:00

Yes. I've submitted my finals last Friday and now i'm just enjoying my freetime doing nothing. I'm gonna catch up on sleep, take long showers and laze around till i go back to Malaysia. So while cleaning up and rearranging all my files in my computer, i took time to go through old pictures and decided to post some random pics.

Taken during Hazel and Fitri's Graduation Day at UM. I used to be the shortest among them. Rathyana was the tallest but she's not in this picture. Look at me now. When we were 12 or 13 years old Joanna used to mention, "Haha! Jinn i'm taller than you." Wakwakwak...

A house party at Phedon's place; they are dancing La Macarena. Haha! I couldn't stop laughing.

Oops!

A mouse? A rabbit? ??

This jar of simple yummy choc spread that fatten me up. I share a love/hate relationship with Nutella now.

As you all Malaysians know, this is a dessert shop; i do like going there occasionally. BUT I find their logo happened to look like a penis. MELLOW FELLOW o.O aaaAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Yummy Mellow Fellow.

Okay, i have not patience when it comes to uploading pictures. Gonna continue watch the Ellen Degeneres Show. Bye!

2010-05-17T05:10:00.004+08:00

As much as i'm excited to come home, there's a tiny bit of fear inside me. Much has changed and i've started to like my lifestyle over here in Manchester. Although the European lifestyle has a much slower pace and i have my many complaints about the locals, this lifestyle i built over here is slowly becoming precious to me. I don't drive over here and walking forces me to see everything around me and wonder more about things. It taught me to be more observant. Staying in a dodgy place makes me fear walking home at 2200. I hold my key ready to attack when someone in a hooded shirt walking towards or behind me. I enjoy watching uncensored foreign art films without feeling awkward. Sipping a tall cappucino at a bench in St. Peter Square accompanied by annoying dumb pigeons completes my Wednesday. I party with the right crowd and the right amount. I come back at 5am in the morning from a party/bar but the next day i work hard on my assignments and score straight A's for my design subjects. Pretty well-balanced lifestyle i've got here. (=

Am i lonely? No. Not at all. I love this whole independence and staying in this foreign country by myself with no familiar Malaysian friends is good for me. I will not have learned much if i created my Asian bubble. I will always remember my brother's advice. He told me to always remind myself that i'm in England and not Malaysia and i shouldn't be busy hunting for food like any Malaysians but absorb the culture, knowledge and embrace this journey. To be honest, food here mostly suck but i will not complain or compare it to tasty Malaysian food. There's more than just food in a country. It's funny that the first question that most ppl ask me when i landed here was - "how are you doing? how's the weather and the food? is the food good?". I smiled thinking how right my brother was.

Spoke to my flatmate about this a couple of times and she said this, "I've built this whole network according to my routine and my lifestyle, if i go back Poland, it's not the same. Yeah i miss my family but when i'm in Poland everthing is different and something is missing."

When i'm here, i'm free and inspired.
When i'm here, i don't feel the need to fit in or even bend myself to fit in because i've already blended in.

I think i've too much wine. I don't even know what i'm rambling about anymore. Goodnight!

Rathyana! Watch this film.

2010-04-19T07:16:00.002+08:00

I don't feel good. I think i can never be at that place and be okay. Being there just makes me uncomfortable and vulnerable after that. People go there to seek spiritual comfort, I will alway end up being depress and cry to sleep. I keep telling myself i'm strong but i doubt that some times. I have to force myself to be okay. I have to. If i don't, how can i go on with my everyday life? Travelling has made me wiser and strengthen certain characteristic in me.

But when can this pain, this heavy weight i feel in my chest go away?
Or at least it could fade bit by bit.

I like seeing this out my window.

2010-04-08T16:46:00.002+08:00

I left this blog so empty for a very long time. It's because i'm so lazy to construct sentences to make up a paragraph about my life. Well, since i'm here why not?

I've been good. Haha! Too general is it? Well, i've travelled to Copenhagen in January with a few of my classmates and the place was so pretty, calm and artsy. Three days of course wasn't enough to explore the city but at least i have an idea what is it like. Hope to visit there again with Rathyana.

As for Easter holidays, I travelled to Krakow, Poland for 6 days. Stayed with Barbara in Andrychow, a small town about an hour away from Krakow. Her parents ensured i was warm and comfortable and of course full. It's Easter, we ate like it was Christmas. =) Barbara wanted me to see how big Easter was in Poland in general and the Easter traditions that were still strongly followed. In the town on Friday and Saturday, it was awfully quiet except for supermarts because every family was shopping for Easter Sunday. Then her family also took me to Zakopane -- situated in between the Tatra Mountains and Gubałówka Hill. I almost ALMOST bought a leather jacket with fox fur lining for myself. It look so pretty on me!!! Aaahh... so soft and white and fluffy. But i didn't because Zoey was in my head the whole time. Sigh.

Anyway, pictures will be uploaded on facebook. To upload pictures in blogspot is definitely a pain in my ass.

Okay, going out to do grocery shopping. Found a nice small family shop in Northern Quarters that sells fresh fruits and vegetables for a very very cheap price. I don't mind walking 10 minutes further. Bye bye Tesco, you're expensive.

Au revoir.

2010-02-05T21:31:00.002+08:00

"There are no shortcuts in life, pain must be felt. The alternative is much worse. It's what makes us special, what makes us beautiful, what makes us worthy. But the pain on how we love is accompanied with hope. With your pain, there is hope and that is where you are…somewhere between agony and optimism and prayer"

Is one of those days for me again. There's a party tonight and work tomorrow -- Manchester United vs. Portsmouth. Let's hope MU wins and i get more tips from happy fans.

Walking and walking and walking.

2010-01-21T00:32:00.015+08:00

Pheww.. just got back from a long long walk. Lost my Student ID so had to make a new one at Humphrey Booth which is 15 mins away from my place. Since I had to write an essay on Coca Cola Company so had to go to 3 libraries to borrow the books i needed which sums up to an hour walk. Then walking back home takes another 20 mins. The wind was bitterly cold today. Hopefully my immune system regained it's strong built because i cannot afford to fall sick. I didn't sleep for 3 days in a row last week because i was so nervous with my assignment, i couldn't sleep and kept staring at my finished assignment to further improve it. Like lah i have the energy too so i just stared at it until the 15th January 3am. Slept for 4 hours, woke up and took an hour bathe. Aaahh... Then dolled up to go uni and pass up my assignment. Yes i always like looking pretty when i hand in my project. Then i had a heavy lunch at Tai Wu Cantonese Restaurant with Phedon because we loveeee Chinese food and i indulge myself with egg tarts. I seldom go to Chinatown but when i do, i never miss it. Those who know me well knows i love egg tarts.

Anyway, Happy New Year to all! I'm still doing alright in Manchester. I don't have an ambitious new year resolution but my friend Barbara quoted this:
"the more things you have to do, the more organise you are."
It's certainly works for her and i intend to try it out. I've been working hard on my assignments and my grades makes me dance cheekily at clubs. I'm working part-time at Manchester United Football Club at Old Trafford and no, i'm not able to watch any football leagues/matches during work. But i'm hoping to watch at least 1 MU match. Tickets cost about GBP150+ i think. Currently I'm doing volunteer work at a Buddhist temple - helping out with vegetarian cooking and library data entry. I intend to work in an orphanage centre but it will involve a more complicated procedure since i'm dealing with children. They have to make sure i'm not a pedophile, sane enough, has not criminal/drug record, might need to go to the police station and bla bla bla. We'll see if i'm up for that. I go to the gym 3 times a week but no results because i eat like a cow. I'm watching quite a lot of French movies and intend to take either Spanish or French class this new semester. I might take up Jazz dance since i've joined the dance society but was on hiatus mode for a very loooong time. I will go gliding soon but first i need to save up some money. Dated 2 guys but didn't work out for me so i'm gonna pause that activity for a while. My Christmas trip was fun. Traveled to Bath Spa> Cardiff> London. Pictures will be uploaded to facebook soon. Oh! I'm going Copenhagen, Denmark this weekend. Yay! So yeah, that's a lil update about me.

Random pictures (no i didn't take photos of delicious food i ate here because that's so 2007):

How to jog?

2010-01-06T02:02:00.015+08:00

The view outside my kitchen window makes me at peace. I enjoy cooking in the kitchen with this beautiful view. But today, my light bulb fused and this means i had to go out to buy a new one. Stepping in the 1 feet snow is like stepping on 'ais kacang kosong' or cotton candy. =) So white and fluffy. With the wind and snow, i barely can open my eyes. When the snow touches my face, it melts quickly - a weird feeling to the skin.

During the early mornings and dawns, i like looking out because the ground's untouch. So pure and white. Just when i starting to admire the view this morning, a big truck passes by. -_-

Say what you wanna say

2009-12-14T00:16:00.004+08:00

I hate being mean and telling people off. I always have this impulse in my head to say mean things or be sharp to someone (especially when i was in Malaysia) but i always hold back because it's rude, it creates unecessary drama, it makes the situation tense and it hurts people.
But now when you're surrounded with people with attitude problems, it's hard to be polite at times.

But... I'll still try to be polite and be patience - as much as i can. But if they cross the line...
Fuck you.

I miss my fluffy best friend - Zoey. I hope she remembers me when i get back during summer.

傻 - foolish

2009-12-07T08:07:00.004+08:00

If others can't keep their promises. Why should i?
If others are too egoistic to admit their mistakes. Why should i?
If others are selfish. Why can't i be?
If others can lie to me. Then i have the right not to tell the truth.

An eye for an eye.
Cruel? Not really. Just getting even.
Life is never fair.

Yawns in front of the oranges + grapes

2009-11-28T05:40:00.007+08:00

Managed to finish my work a day before deadline. =D I have to admit i work on a slow pace. I really need to speed up. Haven't slept for 3 days since Tuesday. I worry too much on details till i wasted so much time. Okie dokie, it's movie time. Gonna watch Gone With The Wind and sleep early.

This is partly what i've worked on. Lazy to upload the rest. We have to analyze our very own art & design building faculty in terms of the building architecture. The Centenary Building has won't a few awards - RIBA Awards and The Stirling Prize back in 1996.

Christmas is coming and...

2009-11-19T05:07:00.002+08:00

i wish i would stop crying and not be depress and accept that she's gone.
But it's too painful. I've changed so much after her death. My life changed so much. It's getting greyer and i wish there's more colour to it. I hate being this melancholic person that i am.

i want to move on...

York, England

2009-11-18T06:37:00.040+08:00

Went on this trip on 19 September 2009 with Hanim & Siaw Wee - my 4th day in Manchester.

With Hanim

York Minster

Clifford's Tower

The Anonymous Rose by Simon Periton. - I love this art piece when i about to walked up the stairs at York Art Gallery!!

Method: Spray paint on glass.

Popcorn Night.

2009-11-18T03:21:00.004+08:00

Main
Plum sauce chicken with rice
+
Dessert
Almond Pear Cheesecake

&

Movie
The Girl With Pearl Earrings

p/s: i love the library's movies collection

2009-11-07T23:41:00.002+08:00

I've been up at 8 am and slept at 4am/5am for the pass 2 weeks doing my assignment slowly. I always rush my homework and this is my very very first time i started my assignments early, doing it at a slow pace and finally i managed to finish...
1. CAD drawing a week before submission
2. Research and analysis folder a day before submission

But i was so nervous a day before submission, i couldn't sleep so i stayed till the next morning watching drama and then got ready for the 930 class and the moment the class was over, i just headed to the submission room and just passed up the damn folders so i won't have to look at it again and again and again and get some sleep.

Dinner at Chiquitos to celebrate Joyce's birthday. Ate nachos for starters and then the large portion of the steak fajitas wasn't a problem at all. I still can eat dessert but i controlled my desire so i won't over eat. Got home at 1230am > drank vodka > knock myself out to sleep.

Now... here i am.. woke up at 3.30pm and ordered Domino's pizza because i can't move a muscle and don't have any motivation to cook or go Tesco to stock up on food supplies.

And pizza is here!
Bye!

Paradox

2009-10-29T04:46:00.005+08:00

It starts to get dark at 4.30pm. Sigh. I'm so unhappy today. My thoughts are all over. Sometimes i wonder i should follow the heart or to do what's right. If i do what is right, i'll be in pain. If i follow my my heart, i'll cause pain. Either way it will never be a good ending. Over here in Salford, i have more time to focus and think carefully about what i want, what i need to do, where i wanna go & who i wanna be. I wanna be ordinary. A less complex person. An interior designer who loves her job and travel around for vacation. No big dreams. No big cash. No fancy life. Just ordinary. Sometimes i lose my answers.

I don't have class today. But i was up at 7am - lying in bed for 2 hours staring at the ceiling. Flashing back everything that i've been through for the past 2 years. It's not easy to let go of mommy. I still think about her most of the time. When i'm here, i think about her more often. I haven't move on. Maybe i don't want to. Thought about my relationship - where is it going? I'll like to hold your hand and walk with you but i can't.
I'm tired of being a melancholic person. I really am.

I have tutorial session tomorrow and i really like my design. Hopefully i score for this. Gonna get back to my drawings.

Found a way to keep in touch with Cantonese language. TVB drama series. The plot is always the same. But it's a way to improve my language. Haven't been speaking much Cantonese since i got here. Dah la my Cantonese sucks and i speak like ang moh. Now standard drop. Jeffrey, Hendrie and Eric sure will tease at me when i come home.

"yat lou cho yeh, yat lou dai hei".
*Has always been a habit since young. That's how i score straight A's for SPM & PMR.*

2009-10-25T09:46:00.024+08:00

Sigh... It's 1.47am and i've just completed reading about Floor System. Today's Nerd Day.- stayed at home the whole day researching and gathering information for my Architectural Techonology and Spatial Design subject. I've promised ppl i'll upload pictures of Manchester but i'm still sorting out photos. So let's skip to my gliding experience!

So 2 weeks ago, i went to Bowland Forest for flying lessons on a Saturday!! Weather was a little gloomy but it was still okay to fly. I've joined the Gliding Club and i think i'm gonna enjoy myself a lot learning about gliding. Though i need to take quite a number of lessons to actually be qualified to fly solo but it's still fun to be able to take control for a short moment while i'm up in the air. Launching was scary because you're sitting in front and watching yrself being elevated scares the shit out of me but once you're up there... the view is gorgeous!!!

p/s: drove a small tractor too! aiseh..it's been a while since i've drove a stick.

2009-09-29T05:39:00.003+08:00

My first day of class is 9.30 am - Architectural Technology. You study about building structure and materials. I did learn that from college but i remembered i had this lecturer who didn't care if anyone listen to her in class. So i didn't really pay much attention to it. But thanks to my work experience i know i must really brush up my architecture knowledge so i can understand/speak the same language as the architects when i go back to work again.
I'm excited! I'm excited about student life - again. So much of information to absorb in just 2 hours so much of research to do. I hope i could get a part-time job at an interior firm or architect firm but chances are slim because of the recession.
I almost fell asleep after an hour of lecturer because i didn't have my morning coffee. When my lecturer gave a 10 minutes break, i ran to the Adelphi Building to the cafe and bought yogurt and cappuccino. I forgot how much i love yogurt.
Tonight i cooked the remaining pasta in tomatoes & mascarpone sauce and baked salmon (my 1st time baking salmon). I'm not bad at cooking. Another creative side of me that i would love to explore. =)

2009-09-29T05:24:00.007+08:00

This is my walk home from my campus.

red = chinese = sepet

2009-09-26T04:59:00.001+08:00

I presume it's gonna be a rainy day...

2009-09-24T15:15:00.003+08:00

7°c outside. It's cloudy and I'm so cold!!

Anyway got up early this morning. Can't go back to sleep so i made a healthy breakfast.
Turkey ham sandwich & coffeeeeeee....

9.58 am - glooomy

2009-09-22T16:58:00.003+08:00

It's 15 degrees outside but with this rain and strong wind. I bet my bones will freeze while waiting for the bus. I forced myself to shower this morning and god my knees couldn't stop shaking when i got out of the shower. Help!!

Gonna go out to stock up food supplies. Tonight i'll be making fruit salad for the Malaysian gang living downstairs. Hopefully the weather will be alright later because i plan to shop for winter wear. I need to!!! Wish me luck.

I don't like cold weather.

I feel puffy.

ps: thanks to my brother, Chris Dorman songs are my new morning tunes.

Salford, Greater Manchester

2009-09-20T03:41:00.002+08:00

Finally after all the talking about going to study in the UK. It's finally happening for me. I will be studying in University of Salford in Greater Manchester, England pursuing my Bachelor in Interior Design. Infact i'm already here at my uni accommodation in my room. Arrived in Manchester airport on Tuesday, Sept 15th at 1pm and headed to my accommodation by coach (arranged by the Uni) - about 15 minutes drive. Salford itself it's a dodgy town by i'll be fine. I will just have to be a bit more careful when walking down the roads especially at night. For the past few days i was busy settling in my place, student registeration, checking-in, orientation and banking. My room's not too bad - will intend to jazz it up a bit to make it more comfy & homey. The weather can be a bitch i tell you.

I just came back from a daytrip to York 2hours ago. Will tell you all more about it in my next post. Cooked my own dinner - Chicken soup w/ button mushrooms and toast. I'm tired from all the walking that (and carrying my groceries) i've been doing for the past couple of days.
-To uni main campus (15 mins walk)
-To the city centre (10 mins walk)
-To Tesco Metro (15 mins walk)

I've been working for too long until i almost forgot how student life was. Gonna do it all over again. Will they annoy me? Will they ever stop being so excited? Will i get along with 18/19 year olds? Will i ever wanna get tipsy and do my horrible catwalk on the streets with my heels on? Will i adopt a British accent and bring it back home to annoy my family and friends? Will i get along with my flatmate? Will i do good in my classes? Sigh...bloody hell.

I HAVE TO REALLY GET USE to boys wearing super low baggy jeans and showing off their underwears/boxers/asses. 2 things that keeps the pants on:
1. A belt
2. Their balls

Ok i'm done with my dinner and i wanna "gao gao chu" soon. I'm so tired and my whole body is aching. I miss home and my fluffy Zoey.

p/s: There was rabbit pie at the Food Festival in York today. Ugh..

Not quite back

2009-03-02T10:52:00.004+08:00

Hello again. 2 months has passed by like lightning.
Christmas has passed.
New Year has passed.
Chinese New Year has passed.
Chap Goh Mei has passed.
So is Valentine's Day.

How's everyone? I don't read anyone's blog currently so do not expect me to know what's up with you guys. It's not that i don't give a shit - i'm just too lazy to surf the internet. I have my own crap and weird thoughts to deal with - i don't even know how to express it out or solve it. It's too personal and i don't want anyone to know about it so the conventional way - jotting down on a diary still the best for me.

It's Monday morning at the office. I'm bored, tired and mundane. My muscles are aching from playing Wii. Gosh. Help.

2008-12-23T03:06:00.002+08:00

When turmoil happens, one should always remain a temperate response & collected. It annoys me when people switch sides so easily. They're so easily influence by other's or so much so they just want to be in the "group". No stand or opinion of their own at all. How can you grow then? Will you be able to learn to see things from different perspectives & aspects? Gossiping about someone who secretly helped you before without you even knowing - stands on my nerves. It's a misunderstanding and it's impossible for me to clarify it. Sigh! i don't know how to let out my frustration la! Bah!

Goodnight!

At the office...

2008-12-15T23:06:00.002+08:00

Thyana's back. I felt so bad for not having the time to actually plan the holiday. I feel so guilty. Work is taking my time but thank goodness my colleagues are so understanding and allow me to take a few days of. =)

I felt so much better after confronting to my brother and Thyana about the thing that i've kept inside for so long. I know what i have to do. I know that in a few years time the thing that i'm going through now will be seen as a small matter. But right now.. sigh.... i feel so tired and clueless at times.

Alrighty. Gotta go back to work.

2008-12-07T23:48:00.003+08:00

She left. It's clearly all a misunderstanding. Some are happy. Some aren't.
I'm know deep down inside, i'm not although i know it's for the best.
It's probably my fault for not offering my help to her. It's probably my fault for not warning her about the consequences of her actions/behaviour. I did understand some of her good deeds when i talked to her the other day although i didn't agree with her methodology. I can tell she's so sad and lost right now. But i do hope she finds herself and be happy.
There's two sides to a story and to be indirectly force to choose a side stresses me out. I chose not to pick one and therefore i caused myself to over analyze the situation just so i can see the rationale. Maybe that's why i'm losing focus at work. Maybe that's why i feel like drinking at work. Knowing too much information can burn you slowly.

Being famous.
It's so Hollywood.
Desperately wanting to be famous can make you lose yourself because you tend to do anything and everything to get there, to be someone great and earn the respect you've always dreamed of. As you progress, you will have those who hate your guts because your actions hurt/treaten them. What can i say? It's normal. -_-

I woke up yesterday morning and texted a few friends - asking whether how can one be a famous interior designer. As predicted, they all misunderstood me and thought i wanted to be famous. Haha! I wish. Like i said before, i kinda envy those who have the drive for wanting to go that far because i have none. Curiosity kills me la. Sigh...

I'm so whiny. Must be the wine.

When the make up comes of.

2008-12-02T23:42:00.006+08:00

It tore us apart - plague of social jabbing.
Unresolved issues - infinity.
Confrontation - always a problem in Malaysians i assume.
Leadership crisis - can anyone see this fucking problem?
Irresponsible accusations - finger-pointing is a classic act.
Judgmental - you chose a side already.
Running away - i always run from my problems but if it affects ppl ard me, i face the shit.
Sincerity - don't even question about it. it's gone.
Ambitious - i'm not & that's why i envy those who are.

I'm so angry. I'm angry because i let this stupid issues get to me. Why am i even feeling angry when i'm not involve?

Women... o.O Always so emotionally attach. Donkey.

I need to stop thinking and analyzing. I need to stop trying to be in ppl's shoes. It's smelly!! Get the hell out!

As you can see, the things i've said may not make sense. That's because i don't know how to express myself with proper sentences. But what the hell, it's my blog. I need a drink.

Chao.

I hate the stairs...

2008-11-19T01:22:00.003+08:00

My head is filled with thoughts. Personal, family, work & friend issues. I kept thinking about the same issues over and over again since 2 days ago. I can't sleep. Even if i do, it isn't a good one. Only alcohol could put me to sleep well till the next morning. Thank you Darius for hearing me out.

For the past few days, i have no mood to do my work at all. Where has my passion gone to? I wasn't like this. Everyone wasn't like that. This "place" wasn't a stage. Now it's a chinese opera with characters wearing vibrant make up - kungfu-ing this "stage". I think i'm wearing make up too. Am I? Did i indirectly became a hypocrite too?

Sigh.

I'm now listening to Dan Craig- Further To Fall.
Beautifully written.

Further to Fall

walk out onto that old dark road
the one that used to bring you down
fall back onto the same old ways
but those were darker days you found

still you go
and it must be important to you
it must feel like nothing at all
when you're desperate for something to prove
you've just got a little further to fall

you're backslid up to the curbs again
where the words don't keep you warm
you hold tight onto a dead flashlight
don't you wish you knew what for

oh, still you go
and it must be important to you
it must feel like nothing at all
when you're desperate for something to prove
you've just got a little further to fall

but hold tight, and pray like you know
that we get stuck sometimes, but these wheels will roll
these wheels will roll
still you go, you go
and it must be important to you...

p/s: I really hate stairs. I fear the uneven steps, the ones with no fucking railing, the narrow width. WTF la. Stairs can kill.

Goodnight.

Another one succeeded

2008-11-10T22:59:00.007+08:00

It feels great to finally stop disliking someone and learning to accept them and their flaws. Couple of months back, i was ignorant and sarcastic towards someone i see almost everyday. You can say i completely ignore his/her existence. It's cruel and disrespectful of me to do that to someone. Feeling sorry about it isn't enough so FINALLY today i was nice to him/her. What a great sense of accomplishment after letting go all the issues that annoyed me for the past few months.
Next step- learning to forgive and see the good side of him/her will definitely make my day less mundane. Feeling goooodddd~... because i'm a better person now and took another step away from childishness.

Two down.
Let's see...who else do i dislike. *looking true my friends in Facebook.* Haha!!

- Untitled -

2008-10-05T17:40:00.018+08:00

Where am i going? I don't know.
Sometimes i don't care.
How ambitious am i? Well, out of 10. I'll say 4.
But i wanna get out of my comfortable shell and explore.
I wanna be successful but also happy.
I still wanna own a RM 5k Chanel bag and still be rich.
Yes, i never give up on this fucking dream.

I wanna meet good people. I'm tired of dealing with immature annoying ppl.
They whine so much, they create drama that i can't stand to watch, they over react, they try so hard to be happening, they talk like bimbos, they're senseless mindless pigs, they just piss me off buy starting a conversation with me. I just wanna say, "boys & girls, you're so fuck stupid".
I don't want a super star drama life but everytime i'll get wet in silly "highschool" shit.
So? I'm cutting stupid ppl of. I'm good at ignoring ppl. I got an award for it.

Next, I need to start shaping up. Stop eating too much of cheese. Stop splurging. Get good rest.
I can't wait for Thyana & Shaleeni to come back from Australia.
I can't wait for the budget holiday that the cupcakes are planning. I assigned Hazel as the planner. Hahaha! Yes. Don't be stressed out dear.

Shi Jin will be working soon and i realized we will have lesser time to spend together. Sigh..
I wanna go swimming with you again Shi Jin. I want to learn to shake of my underwater fear. I also wanna go travelling, hiking, fishing, paintball, bike racing, wind surfing, laze around, eat cheese and chocs, watch tv for 4 hours straight, chase cows, play water gun with you and etc etc. If you watch How I Met your Mother, picture me saying, "Awwwsommee..." in a very high pitch voice like Barney, to you.

After being on hiatus for so long, i don't really know what to type in this blog. Each time i click on 'new post', my mind just wanders some place else and then it becomes empty. No words, no expression. It amazes me how one can write so much about themself or any other events in their life. Me? I just get lazy and forget about writing. Eh Wan Chin, boring right my blog? Nothing to read. No pictures or videos. Haha! I'll try to put in a little effort next post. Maybe I'll write about my trip to Penang. Or my birthday. Or my birthday presents. Or the book i'm reading. Whatever la!

In addition to my random post, i present you random pictures from my very old digital camera. Some are taken very long ago but i'm just too lazy to upload it and some are recent ones. And before i go. Yes yes, i've put on some weight. My face is chubbier but then don't tell me la when you bump into me. I'm trying to stay positive and embrace the layer of insulation that's thickening in me.

Goodbye!

Forlorn Glances

2008-09-05T23:05:00.002+08:00

I cannot clear her stuff from her wardrobe yet.
I cannot throw the things she had given me even though my room's full.
I cannot think of her deeply because i'll tear badly.
I cannot go shopping with her anymore. (our outing plan would be awesome)
I cannot have an argument with her.
I cannot cook like her.
I cannot be home alone and not tear.
I cannot hear her naggings.
I cannot hear her voice forever.
I cannot believe she's gone forever.
I really can't...
I miss her terribly.

2008-09-02T22:15:00.002+08:00

Finally!! The job is done! The late nights are over (for now)! And i finally have the time to waste on surfing the internet and download my dramas. It's 2nd of September so it's 1st Sept in, the US. WOooHOOooo!! Meaning new season of Heroes, The Big Bang Theory, Prison Break, One Tree Hill, Gossip Girl and etc...
I'm so tired. I told Shi Jin how tired i am and there's a furry kiwi fruit that's right in front of me now that i need to wallop but i can't seem to do so because i've been missing out so much. I just wanna waste time in cyber doing nonsense and reading nonsense when i actually could go to sleep right away. I have so many pictures to upload.
My first fishing trip.
Penang trip.
See Ting's birthday party.
My outings with Shi Jin. (Yes..my boy is back from UK!! *squeeze my rabbit*)

Speaking of Zoey (my rabbit), she's all grown up already but yet so adorable. Sometimes i'm so "geram" with her cute furry self, i just wanna squeeze her so tight and put her head into my mouth. I buy good food for her and i let her run freely at home now. Although at time she makes me so mad for pooping at places she shouldn't but her eyes...oh my god... her eyes are magic. Her big brown sad eyes that she gives whenever i punish her by locking her up in the cage just simply melts me. In the end, i let her out.

Alright...i'm really exhausted. I need to get sleep and recuperate. Good night!

2008-08-10T21:09:00.008+08:00

It's been a while since i've posted something up. It's because i decided to be on hiatus mode for a while to sort certain issues and figure out some things. I was feeling remorseful for the past 2 months and i don't know how to express my thoughts in words. I wouldn't be so sure to say that i'm doing alright but that's what i tell people just so i can avoid any kind of heart to heart conversations. No offence but honestly, no consoling words can make me feel any better or help me get through the shitty feeling so just let me be because watching your mom slowly dying in 4 days time isn't exactly something that you can forget or move on with it easily. And no, you won't understand how i feel so there's no obligation to say so. I didn't even discuss about what i'm going through with my own boyfriend because i don't see the need to recap and then tear about it and then expect consoling words from him. It's just too much drama. But having my brother back for good does add some colours to my purple grey sky. At least when i'm working late, he's there to accompany daddy. Anyway i find Thyana's email amusing. Here are some things i can do or maybe she herself can do too besides "talking". The purple ones are my responses. I love you babe.

1. Slapping someone in the face just to see how they'd react.
(i do have a few drama queens in my head)
2. Watching your tv's guilty pleasures (mine is Gossip Girl -- I hang my head in shame...but I enjoy watching Blair and Chuck and her clothes)
(i do enjoy watching flirtatious dirty Chuck. loving his evil eyes.)
3. Eating Oreo's with peanut butter (not too much, though, or you'll gag -- trust me)
(i tried that once and i didn't like it.)
4. Spying on your neighbours (do that all the time)
(my neighbours are boring & there's no good looking topless boys either. i'll replace this with staring at my rabbit.)
5. Ironing (ironing calms me down)
(i iron fast. M'sia is hot la woman.)
6. Seating at the back of the cinema, alone, watching a movie (I love doing that when I'm down -- that's why I love the movies)
( i do too but the Malaysian cinema mostly show cheesy films so i love my pirated dvds)
7. Ogling Manolo Blahnik's and Christian Louboutin's on the internet (guilty!)
(mine's Chanel, Nine West & M.A.C. But i must say you have great taste in shoes!! bookmarking Manolo Blahnik)
8. Watching Project Runway on youtube.
(i used too.)
9. Wikipedia-ing random subjects (e.g. Ig Nobel Prize)
(wiki-ing airplanes/fighter jets most of the time. i think i was an awesome pilot in my past life.)
10.Fantasizing.
(my screen name is kinky penguin.)

Now i'm fantasizing about ice cream. Gotta go! Here are some fantastic pumps i would like to have from Manolo Blahnik.

^ This is so artsy & futuristic.

2008-06-24T01:17:00.003+08:00

"Sex" to my Ears...

2008-06-14T03:00:00.003+08:00

In the loving memory of Clara Teh

I will miss you forever Mommy. I love you.

Random Memoirs

2008-05-17T00:02:00.018+08:00

2008

2007

2006

Still on hiatus but i'll write something.

2008-05-14T00:19:00.004+08:00

I told you before that she got the "crazy eyes" but you wouldn't believe. Now for those of you who don't know what i mean.

Crazy Eyes = It's a well documented condition of the pupil that acts as an indicator of future mental instability.

Now you know why i'm avoiding. It's not a hobby fyi but it is (to protect me from crazy dangerous bitches) how i stop myself from pointing out the negative behaviours of a person that causes me to dislike him/her even more which leads to gossiping. I'm human so I still do gossip once a while but do you know i feel guilty after that. Karma really works on me! Awesome!

Anyway....Disliking someone << causes HERNIA. Why want that phase right? I'm not trying to get a halo but i've learned how to see the good side of a person in 2005. Yeap i remembered the year clearly. That is why i still remain friends with those who are not so likeable/lovable. No offence.

Well, i'm awfully tired and I have no idea where is this post going but all i know is...You're never done getting to know someone. Serious shit.

2008-03-18T00:37:00.005+08:00

No matter how much i party and have fun, it's never gonna kill the loneliness i feel most of the time. But time is passing so fast. You're coming back here and i'm leaving. It's going to be even tougher than now. Oh god...Thank you for calling just now. Your cute conversation does minus of the gloominess.

Jumping to work. Yeap. Work is as usual stressful yet exciting in some ways. I'm starting to "grow" in this lil company and don't feel like leaving my comfort zone but i have to. I must do my thing! I must travel! I wanna be adventurous, free-spirited and unpredictable. Start fresh all over again at a foreign country where no one knows whose Erinn Wan Zhu-Jinn. I love that. I can be the new me without having someone to "keep an eye". Work hard and be successful and buy all the Chanel stuff i'm dreaming for. Adopt more children from World Vision especially those sepet looking ones like me.

I really hope to keep up with this motivation that's burning in me now because i'm easily contented (depending on the subject), go with the flow and having this "oh fuck it" attitude. Seriously Erinn... try to be a lil more ambitious.

Grossed Out!

2008-03-10T23:12:00.002+08:00

Thanks to Michelle, i actually surf Crime Library and Wikipedia everyday just to read about serial killers. This interest started of when i watched the movie The Stranger Beside Me few years back. It's based on a true story about Ted Bundy (go look up, i'm so lazy to explain). Today i read about Dr. Joseph Mengele Angel ofDeath, a Nazi doctor who experiments on genetic abnormabilities by killing innocents in his very own cruel ways. Read if you're interested.

Mengele arrived in Auschwitz on May 30, 1943. He was 32, from a Catholic family, and had long been a Nazi enthusiast. In school, his specialty had been physical anthropology and genetics, and he was fully committed to bringing science into the service of the Nazi enterprise. In fact, he specifically asked to be sent to Auschwitz because of opportunities such a place could provide for his research.

In charge of the "selections" process, he'd show up at the prisoner transports looking quite elegant, and would decide at a glance each person's destiny. If anyone started trouble over being separated from a relative, he might wordlessly beat or shoot them both. He appeared to have no conscience, and sent anyone with an imperfection (including imperfect height) right to the gas chamber. However, he kept the twins, as many sets of doubles as he could find. They were destined for his labs.

Mengele enjoyed his powerful position and was completely at home with his tasks. To uphold the Nazi ideal of racial purification was his driving motivation. Yet no one quite knew what to expect. Even as he separated families and killed with impunity, he might step into the role of concerned physician and whimsically allow some people to live. The power of life and death resided in him.
In his desire to improve the efficiency of the camp as a killing machine, he taught other doctors how to give phenol injections to a long line of prisoners, quickly ending their lives. He also shot people, and by some reports he tossed live babies into the crematoria. Throughout all of this, he kept a detached, efficient demeanor and viewed himself as strictly a scientist.

Mengele's great passion was his research on twins. They were weighed, measured, and compared in every way. Blood was endlessly withdrawn and they were questioned about their family histories. Some he would kill for pathological examinations, dissecting a few himself and keeping a few parts preserved. Others he might operate on without anesthesia, removing limbs or sexual organs. He even did some sex-change operations. If one twin died during these experiments, the other was no longer of use, so he or she was simply gassed.

Substances (chloroforms) were injected into living children to see how they reacted, often damaging or killing them. It didn't matter much to Mengele; there were always more on the way. Yet even as he targeted them for mutilation or death, he'd play with them and show great affection. Afterward, he might walk around with their heads or pin their eyes to a bulletin board.

He also studied dwarves and particular types of mutilating diseases, but one odd experiment was his attempt to change eye colour to blue. He'd inject the eyes of children with a chemical that caused immense pain and even blindness, but which failed to have the desired effect. Those who worked with him thought him scientifically irresponsible and naïve.

Overall, Mengele was caught up with the idea of genetic cultivation of a superior race, and his esteemed position there at the camp fed his desire to be a god. He kept notes on all of his procedures to send to his mentor, but most of these were lost. After the war, Mengele escaped the Nuremburg trials and fled to South America. He died in 1979 and his remains were identified by a team of forensic anthropologists. Even so, his evil lives on in the fictions and fantasies of a cruel doctor who killed without conscience and was responsible for the destruction of many thousands of innocent people.

*extracted frm Crime Library.

2008-03-08T22:38:00.004+08:00

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
I just wanna wish you ♥Happy Anniversary ♥!! It's already the 3rd year and i can't believe it! No matter how rough the road was back then, i still wanna say thank you so much for everything you've done to please me and for all the happy moments, surprises & etc. again just in case i didn't say enough. I know i'm can be hard to please and i knowwww i have given you hard times with my tantrums, fussiness and sensitivity but you dealt with it with much much patience and love and i wanna say, "Good job!! Keep it up!". =P ♥
I'm glad to say this long distance relationship is kinda working out. I'm sorry that i had my doubts but i'm thankful now because you convinced me and gave me courage to take a step forward. Back at those days before you went over there, i was really surprised with all your plans on how this L.D.R gonna work. Really.. i was so touched with you trying your very best to be there for me, go online immediately after school, sending me wonderful gifts and spend so much on international phone calls. A friend told me that i don't really love you that's why i didn't went nuts when we're apart. But i think we have past the "i miss you so much till i can bite my own arm of!" moment. Now i think we have mature to a another level that we could be apart yet still keep our hearts close to each other. =) I love you dearly. Happy Anniversary Shi Jin.

ps: Listen to "our song" alright after this. Hope you like the colour concept. Green= ♥Growth

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

2008-02-25T23:55:00.002+08:00

My very first experience....

I see it in almost all Iranian restaurants and mamak stalls around Hartamas. I couldn't be bothered to try it because I'm always so busy thinking of garlic cheese naan or roti cheese or the tandoori chicken or the pisang goreng near the CIMB bank. But last Saturday was my first time smoking sheesha.
I know I'm waaaay back and probably u'll be going like "been there done that". So on Saturday after watching Jumper (not a very good one. i actually kinda forgot most of the scenes. see? no impact at all. that's bad.), Eugene and Michelle brought me to Coffee Shack at TTDI to "yam char" and Headloco (Eugene donkayy) said, "Erinn, you must try!" Then I told them I'm nervous which it true! Then it came to deciding which flavour we wanna order. It's hillarious those two donkeys... Eugene wanted strawberry flavour and Michelle wanted chocolate then later she wanted grape. Eugene dislike the coffee flavour because he tasted it before and assumed the chocolate will taste bad too because it's BROWN. oookaaayy. Haha! Seriously, his facial expression was priceless la.. Reading it won't make u laugh but I'm laughing now! *snorts* Anyway... after smoking like a noob my throat dried and I felt thristy and then... i'm so lazy to tell you what happen when i got home so i'm just gonna wish you all goodnight.

2008-02-25T00:04:00.002+08:00

Recommending Missy Higgins - Where I Stood to those who like some soft tunes. Love the wonderful lyrics. Also Richard Harris - Will You Be There.

Goodnight!
*love + peace + chicken grease*

Sweeney Todd OST

2008-02-16T21:43:00.002+08:00

Finally i watched Sweeney Todd on Tuesday. I heard it was gory so i chicken out but Cindy and Tj convinced me to watch it. I always love Tim Burton movies. It has all the Burton style/essences. The dark humour, the gothic setting, the pale make up and everything actually!! Now i'm addicted to the soundtrack. Been hearing it all day. Orchestra music always moves me and gives me adrenaline rush but i don't know any good ones. Just found out that Juliana Q loves orchestra too, 2 weeks ago. What a waste, i would have asked her to go to all the musical events held at KL Philharmonic. =(

Those who find it boring. Whaaaat la you all!

My dental surgery made me stay home the whole day since Thursday. Oh the piercing sound of the whatever machine that is used to section my wisdom tooth is deafening. I was a lil deaf on the left ear. The sound is even worst that then scaling machine. Anyway i finally got to watch Gloomy Sunday. It's an old German romance movie (1999). Bought the dvd a month ago. Finally. Thumbs up.

2008-02-11T01:39:00.000+08:00

My Valentine Gift Will Be
A Dental Surgery.

What A Painful 14.02.08 Lil' Missy Will Go Through.

Oh, I Love You.

On 29 December 2007...

2008-02-09T17:00:00.000+08:00

we decided to have a girlie day out.

2008-01-19T01:02:00.001+08:00

I almost spit fire at you today because you certainly deserve it from the way you spoke to me. Being rude to me isn't an option and certainly being sarcastic about my parents is certainly an offence. Considering the situation, i kept my mouth shut and swallowed the ball of fire just so you could secure your pride but if there wasn't anyone in the room, i'll certainly be the real me and spew a putrid bag of sarcasm right to your face. You can bully me but bare in mind that me being quiet doesn't mean i'm a dope. My fake laughter can't cover other people's eyes or ears. If they can see it, it means i'm not over reacting at all about this. I have respect for the elder but if i had to take a stand, i can be sarcastically rude too.

2008-01-10T21:19:00.000+08:00

Sitting down here feeling so weak. Woke up at 12 pm. Must be the breakfast that is causing this. I was feeling sick after breakfast- eggs and milo+nestum. Threw up 3 times and then I went to bed again at 3pm till 8pm. Zoey is in her hyper mode. Jumping around, sniffing & licking me but i have no strength to entertain her. So here i am, in the process of wanting to watch my drama series just to pass time before i bed again. Since Albert said that Perfume isn't a very gory film, i shall continue the download. Yes, i am chicken shit.

lovely lunch yum yum

2007-12-30T23:38:00.000+08:00

Michelle cooked me lunch yesterday. It's so good la. The "yau mei" rice is so good. And sandwiches too!! =D The ingredients are mushrooms, eggs and cheddar cheese. All my favourite man!! Button mushrooms some more. First time a friend cooked me lunch. Very thoughful of her. Thank you babe. *hands down* Camwhore pictures will come later la... i will try to be patient to upload them.

Amminall...

2007-12-30T00:55:00.000+08:00

I'm crazy for zebra prints stuff!!! o.O

...

2007-12-26T00:10:00.001+08:00

Celebrated Uncle Chow's birthday on 3rd November. It was a surprise birthday dinner- planned by Lorraine and family and it turned out to be successful! Uncle Chow, my Dad's best friend, knew me when i was a zygote, watched me grew up to a young lady and still giving me good hospitality whenever i go over to his place.

My Uncle Chow turned 60!

His very COLOURFUL cake.

The Chow Family

Happy three designers. What a coincident.

With Michelle.

With Mommy dearest.

The night ended well, can't really remember what happen after that because it was a while ago.

After so long...

2007-12-20T01:22:00.000+08:00

Yes, it was a very long time. The Linear team had just finished 2 showhouses and it turned out awesome. Good comments and feedback from the client and potential buyers. *clap hands* The design is awesome la... I would buy it if i have 2 million dollars. Hehe... I'm almost done with my club house site for my client. Almost la konon nyer... one more boutique bungalow to design. This project had been KIV for sooooo long... i barely can remember what was my design intention. I feet are aching badly due tothe constant walking up and down the showhouse. I'm currently watching new dramas.

English dramas would be:

1. Samantha Who? (Awesome.)

2. The Class

3. The Psych

4. Pushing Daisies (Soon la..waiting for Wen Dee to give me her review.)

It's all comedies. Laughter's the best medicine. They keep my storm away. I've been so moody lately...I just feel like letting everything go and just go travel around. because i'm so frustrated with some people and with the things that are not going smoothly as planned. So comedies keeps me going.
I think i plan to go Australia on February because going there during summer is better than going there during winter. Just hope i'm efficient enough to book air tickets soon. Like very soon. Haven't done that before so i might be scare!!! Yes... like chicken shit ok? I'm feeling childish right now. I wanna watch Invader Zim. Remember him? he looks like this...

And my favourite lil one. GIR!! so squeeky...so adorable.

2007-11-26T00:38:00.000+08:00

Achmed the Dead Terrorist.

2007-11-25T02:13:00.000+08:00

I did something that I shouldn't have done. I'm dreadfully regretting now.

2007-11-10T16:57:00.000+08:00

I'm beyond lazy. There's no adjective to describe me now. I got a party to attend later but i'm just so freaking lazy to move a muscle from this chair. I chasing dramas that's been lying there waiting for me to click "play". Last night i had this very very odd dream about me in a school bus sitting next to a boy whom's face is blurred out in my dream. We didn't talk AT ALL. We were just eating Rocksports hazelnut chocolate while staring out the window or the leather seat infront of us, riding to somewhere far far away. Tell what does that mean?

2007-11-07T23:36:00.000+08:00

Parties!

20th October > Eugene's birthday party at Bangkok Jazz. Students of class ID 45-1 meet again.

Me & the Birthday Girl

Her boyfriend went missing a while then surprised her with a beautiful bouquet of flowers.

York Ping wanted to pimp.

See Lim wanted bigger eyes.

We wanted to look cool.

ID 45-1 bunch. Missing: Catherine & Ernie

26th October >We planned a mini birthday party for our very single and available boss on 26 Oct 2006. Ah Feng mostly did all the preparation. The rest were just waiting to eat.

click to view*

After that, i rushed to Sanctuary Bar, The Curve for Tiffany's birthday party. Tiffany was too busy to layan us so we layan ourselves with cam slutting activity. I very malas to post them so next time la.

2007-11-02T16:57:00.000+08:00

i'm so bored... i am actually busy but i don't know which task i should do first. i have to think of an elevator control panel design. how leh? idea-less.

everything's going pretty well now. yay! it's the weekend and so many movies and dramas to catch up. i'm so lazy to go out during weekends and just feel like sticking my ass on the couch for hours and eat junk food. bought loads of baskin robbin's on the 31st Oct. sadly i'll be eating it all alone. usually every 31st will be our (shi jin and i) ice cream day and we will eat the yummy ice cream together like happy children but he's so far away now so it's just "jinn" and the spoon.

i wanna go for a holiday. wanna go swimming!!

it's time to go home now. bye.

2007-10-31T09:06:00.000+08:00

you used to tell me what not do because it's wrong.
but now, you're doing it all because it's right to you now.
maybe that's who you are.
maybe i am what i am because you made me so.
i asked you the most important question.
"would you feel the same way as i am feeling right now if i did what you did?"
you paused for a long time....and said, "Yes."
that's the difference between me and you i guessed.
i mostly think before i act.
you'll do it then fix me later on.
maybe i do deserve to be treated so. who knows.
you may cross the line now.
and say goodbye forever.

2007-10-30T00:11:00.001+08:00

When things aren't going smooth.. how can i seize the day? For the past few weeks had been a rough week - loads of drama and i can't deal with drama. I hate drama in my life. I like to go through my day effortlessly happy but sadly things aren't always what you expect. Seeing things that i do not wish to see and seeing how people change to become worst is so painful to my eyes. Why can't they see their mistakes and correct them instead of ignoring it. Why most of the people around me are annoying me? I feel like hanging a dead moose infront of my desk to scare the shit outta ppl so i could have a few wicked laughters. Stop poking me idiot and use crappy sarcasm on me!! It's not funny but i have to put on a smiling facade just so things are fine. Like i said, i don't like drama but i do enjoy watching drama. I do find Gossip Girl a lil dramatic & cliche but who cares...there's nothing to watch anymore. Besides, shopping doesn't really help to level up my endorphins but chocolates still do. Way to go cocoa. -_-

Every morning my Mom will ask me to pray to God for road safety. Looking right and left and say "ok", hop into the car and blast the stereo and drive while waving goodbye without saying a single word to God. Yes we sin everyday and must ask for forgiveness. I have collections of sins in my diary that i've written down so i could keep track on "How bad am i?" and wait for karma to get me.

I'm broke because attending parties does suck my wallet dry but hey! In returned, i get food, laughters and fun. I'm bloody impatient to upload pictures so i'll do it when i feel like it.

I'm wishing all the best to my good friend and hope she'll get well soon. She's a strong chick and i'm proud of the courage she owns to fight her illness. More shitake mushrooms for her!

Anyway it's getting late. Nights.

2007-10-17T22:14:00.000+08:00

Very Manhattan...I don't even know what i'm saying but blah! First episode makes me wanna dig more. So much bitching. Kristen Bell (Veronica Mars) is the voice of Gossip Girl.

I'm guessing Chace Crawford (yes he's good looking)

or...

Pen Badgley (the charming one la..)

will mostly be every girls favourite but whatever. They are all good looking men. =)

As for me. Wentworth Miller is so 2006. Currently digging for Ed Westwick (playing Chuck Bass). He's so sexy bad. =D He looks like Joaquin Phoenix at some angles.

Killer.

turning 21.

2007-10-14T14:18:00.000+08:00

i enjoyed my birthday celebration. honestly i did. thank you all. wonderful tasty birthday cakes, cocktails, presents, good music and company. *hands down*
but i'm still not accepting the fact that i'm 21. that means my dream mission of robbing the bank and drug trafficking (distributing "coke") is officially shattered. if i were to do it...my case would no longer consider a juvenille one and that will make my punishment a lot heavier compare to being 19. it's sad. i like being 19. 19 is good. i'm 19. yes i'm still 19 and this is why i'm hot! i don't need to be 21 to go clubbing and dance at the podium cos i rock it naturally and any age.

This is me and bunny boy. i love this lace outfit of mine.

tomorrow i have to finish my remaining drawings before work starts. planning to join yoga with See Ting next month. planning only. not too sure yet whether i would have the time. it's painful you know.

i'm downloading Gossip Girl. i don't know whether it's nice or not but i'm out of good shows to chase besides Prison Break season 3 and Heroes season 2 (Cut your damn hair Milo!!)

i can't wait to wear my new dress and shoes to Eugene's party! Yip yip!

2007-10-12T01:12:00.000+08:00

Reality hurts. Honestly i have been feeling this way for the past 2 weeks. But i'm holding on. Trying to deal with all the horrible truths/bad news that's been pouring on me. Stop smacking negative facts on my face! My moods are constantly changing from feeling pissed to happy to frustrated to moody to fine to... confused and sad now. Stupid hormones of mine! Received a phone call last night that shocked the hell of me and your words made me rethinking about my life and how things could be slightly better or different if i were to do this and that and this and thaaaaatttt.... Gosh! This thinking process ate up my sleeping time and i woke up feeling crappy and looking like a zombie. I regretted for not going to Melbourne or UK to further study. I regretted for not being firm with my thoughts and decisions. I regretted being someone i can't be. I regretted for lying to myself and others. I regretted for not being a better friend. SIGH..so many things la. I regretted putting on a facade just to please others till people take me for granted. I really really really regretted so many things la...=( Yeah yeah.. people say don't look back but i want to. It might help hopefully.

I bet all of you don't have a clue about what i'm saying. Basically, i'm trying to say that... My life's a fairy tale and i intend to keep it that way forever because i don't have to deal with problems. Yes! So what if i don't grow... i didn't have things to be sad and worry about when i was a child. I get a sucker punch without a warning each time i step out of my comfort zone and into reality. Pain le... =(

I day dream alot now while working. I picture words like
"Cancer"
"Playground legend"
"Cheater"
"Tuberculosis"
"Liar"
"Girlfriend-beater"

very often in my fucking head and it bothers me too damn much. Maybe i'm too tired. Maybe i should sleep now... Maybe.

I was suppose to post this 2 days ago but blogger is another nuisance.

I got tagged by Thyana, the murderer.

2007-09-23T14:46:00.000+08:00

Instructions: Name 20 people you can think of at the top of your head. Don't read the questions before you write, and tag 5 people to do the survey.

1. Shaleeni
2. Thyana
3. Hazel
4. Shi Jin
5. Zyenn
6. Fitri
7. Catherine
8. Albert Bishop
9. Albert Yong
10.Merry
11.Jeffrey
12.Victoria Beckham
13.Eugene
14.Willian
15.See Ting
16.Eugene Loh
17.Sarah
18.Sean
19.Sue-li
20.Jason Dohring

I tag: Zyenn, Shaleeni, Shi Jin, Eugene San, Catherine, Sarah, Albert Bishop, Phoebe

1. How did you meet 14 (Willian)?
She’s my classmate in college and she’s freaking tall! Taller than be by ~2 inches. That makes her 175cm I think.

2.What would you do if you had never met no.1 (Shaleeni)?
I will not know how to play “Marry Had A Little Lamb” on the piano, no delicious chocolate cakes, nobody to swim with and laugh at my flat chest in highschool, nobody to fetch me home after school, no barbaric voices to keep me awake in class, no arguing with this Shaleeni and certainly, i’m missing out 1 good buddy.

3. What would you do if 20 (Jason Dohring) and 9 (Albert Yong) dated you?
Jason will def be impossible. Albert…Ballistic couple we will be, argue a lot and I’ll start whacking him with my high heels and he’ll probably thinks I’m too stupid for him.

4. Would 6 (Fitri) and 17 (Sarah) make a good couple?
Honestly no. They’ll go ballistic on each other too.

5. Describe no.3 (Hazel).
Caring, lazy too, ah ma to all her friends. My great MaMa Zel.

6.Do you think no.8 (Albert Bishop) is attractive?
This one is pretty boy. Lovely pretty boy so YES.

7.Tell me something about no.7 (Catherine).
She’s the piglet. A very emo one and loves me to death. Haha!

8. Do you know anything about no.12's (Victoria Beckham) family?
Her husband is David Beckham and she has 3 good looking boys.

9. What is no.8's (Albert Bishop) favourite?
No idea. Camwhoring? Hentai Porn? Digital animation stuff?

10. What would you do if no.11 (jeffrey) confesses that he/she likes you?
Hahaha!! I will slap him and say shut up and stop dreaming.

11. What language does 15 (See Ting) speak?
Hokkien is her main everyday dialect and English too. Lil bit of Cantonese & Mandarin and some cacat Malay.

12. Who is 9 (Albert Yong) going out with?
My bf, shi jin. =)

13. How old is 16 (Eugene Loh) now?
same age as I am.

14. When was the last time you talked to 13 (Eugene)?
At the airport.

15. Who is no.2's (thyana) favourite singer?

Honestly no idea. David Bowie? (wild guess)

16. Would you date no.4 (Shi Jin)?
No I won’t! Haha!

17. Would you date 7 (Sarah)?
No I won’t too!

18.Is 15 (Sean) single?
No ideaaa..

19. What is 10's (Merry) last name?
That would be Lian.

20. Would you ever consider being in a relationship with 11 (Jeffrey)?
No because age gap tooo big la.

21. What school does 3 (Hazel) go to?
Methodist Girls School.

22. Where does 6 (Fitri) live?
Taman Chi Liung Klang

23. What's your favourite thing about no.5 (Zyenn)?
Caring, understanding and fun to talk to. Super psycho.

2007-09-16T19:14:00.000+08:00

Night at Laundry

My colleagues: Merry & Catherine

The boy & the girl

Mp3 waves in my head:

Shawn Colvin - Sunny Came Home
Paula Cole - I Don't Wanna Wait
Vega 4 - Life Is Beautiful
Bjork - Innocence

I've been busy catching up with my downloaded dramas and movies. I sleep at 3 am almost everyday even on working days and this wear me out so much but i just don't seem to care.
Ever since i started working my skin has gone bad. Not knowing why. I put less make up now. Was browsing through old pics and found this.

Me + Catherine, with no make up on.

So healthy la my skin that time. =)

It's dinner and satay will be my choice tonight!!

Distraction

2007-09-13T00:39:00.000+08:00

My life is full of distraction.

Right, distraction... I haven't been succeeding in finishing Marie Antoinette the movie which i've downloaded like months ago. Oh crap. There's always distraction around me. What kind? Can't describe because i don't even know. All i know that it's annoying... Time does fly faster when i started working.

Crap #1 from the "cupcake" :

The reason male homosexuals have a high risk of contracting HIV/AIDS is because there is a high concentration of white blood cells in the rectum, and the rectum is functioned to absorb fluid. Anal sex is the most risky sexual behaviour in terms of contracting aids/hiv.

I'm loving the clothes that Veronica Mars wears. Thank goodness i'm in a designing firm that doesn't need me to dress formal (office-ish). Stripes and slacks?? HAHAHA! Few months back, i came to realized i was forcing myself to fit on baby doll dress just becasue everyone's wearing it. It's the trend now. I do like dresses but not baby doll ones. Oh cry out loud. Me in thick hair bands? Screw myself and smacks my forehead. I bought one baby doll dress couple of weeks ago and i'm guessing it will never have a chance to fit me because it's too damn cute and i look pathetic trying to be young and cute. I'll just watch every girl wearing it > compliment them and then passsssssss....

I put on some weight ever since i've started working. NO I DIDN'T weigh myself. I DON'T even have a weighing machine. I saw a "chicken fillet" protruding out from my abdomen. It's 3 months old and i'm getting rid of it. I put on some weigh i know but i'm happy that i finally have an ass (yippee!) but also working out to stay fit so i could eat more garlic-butter-cheese naan. My craving for the month. My super working out plan? 50 sits ups and 15 minutes on the bicycle. I know it's a lazy work out plan but who cares? At least i plan to "move".

Why am i chatting in Malay with Phoebe?
?
??
???

2007-09-09T15:27:00.000+08:00

i have a slight crush for Jason Dohring all of the sudden...

shades of grey

2007-09-07T01:02:00.001+08:00

Wasn't in my best mood today. I had my sour face on at office and i can't help but to feel that way. I know i'll be fine. I know i'll get use to it after a while. I cannot worry anymore for i have no control towards what ever that will happen in the future. What ever will be will be. I manage to get closure. I went to airport to send him of. It was something i would never do and i am proud of myself. I'll probably will regret if i didn't go. At least i get to hold yr cold sweaty hands and give you a last hug before you leave. =)

You just called half an hour ago and i was glad to know you have safely arrived there. You'll do well there. I know it.

Anyway, so after feeling tired of drowing in gloominess today, i decided to go 1utama with Catherine and we both when shopping for a while. Felt better after that. Came home...had no mood to play with my rabbit today so i just fed her apple and headed straight into my room and wait for Shi Jin to call while chatting with some friends. Thank you all for yr concern and msges. I'm honestly fine. =)

It's 2.08 am and i'm still awake chatting with Sarah and Catherine. My complexion became bad all the sudden. I have no idea why but i'm not doing anything about it. I put less make up now compare to couple of months back which is yippee! I'm in a confuse state right now. I feel like cutting my nails because it's long but it's so late now and i need to sleep. I don't like long nail anymore because it's difficult for me to work. From my messy sentences, you can tell i'm all jumbled up.

Catherine ask whether i write poems because she loves writing it. How romantic can this piggy get? Very. Ahaha! So i told her i do last time but i lost my inspiration to the devil. It's kind of weird reading it now but i'm gonna post it anyway. I wrote it back in the year 2004. Please don't laugh.

Untitled

You brought me closer
to everything i wanted,
You made me see
behind your thoughts,
the thoughts i had paid a penny for,
Do you remember?
The teary eyes that were half open,
The eyes you wouldn't allow to shut,
Blow away my tears of pain,
Make my sight not blurry,
Make me see the blue corn moon,
Make me see the joy in life,
Walk me down the road,
The one i was afraid to walk alone,
Make me see the thing,
the thing i never saw,
Wait for me to be myself again,
Lay your lips on mine,
Mesmerize me with those dreamy eyes,
Rush through me,
Let me feel again,
Let me see,
What i never saw.

Hahaha! Goodnight.

Never knew...

2007-08-31T01:36:00.000+08:00

Never knew it would be this hard to be apart from you. I always thought i could handle it easily without much going through my head but i guessed i'm very wrong this time. Few months back i honestly never really bother bout this matter until last 3 weeks when i realized i only have 22 days to be with him. I cannot imagine what would my days be without him being near me. I know i had given him a hard time for the past few months with my lil' missy attitude. Thanks for having the patience. I still have 5 more days to spend with him before he lives to UK and i have to confess that i'm not dealing with it very well. Many can tell. There's so much going through my head that i had to pour out somewhere and that's how i chose to spill it here. I try putting myself together and think rationally. I know i'll get used to his absence after a few weeks and i know he'llbe back in a year but i hate going through the process of sending my love ones to another continent. The last i sent Shaleeni to airport, i cried like someone died. It's horrible. I don't think i'll have the strength to send him to the airport on Wednesday. I hope he understands that it's not easy for me. I'd not send my brother to the airport either for the last 7 times he came back so you can imagine how "goo eeeyy" and emo i actually can get. I've been keeping myself busy with work during the day so my mind stays focus and eventually i'll forget the "sad" situation i'm going through but the devil is evil so there's no escape during the nights. I feel that my eyes are getting smaller each day and i'm simply too lazy to put effort to make it look a lil bigger unless it's necessary. My mind is clouded with pessimistic thoughts of us till i somehow wanna break up but then he convinced me to stay together. Many told me that it's impossible, it's difficult and definately will break up. It's the truth for most cases out there. I know it myself. I know it is dificult that's why i'm afraid to walk that path. Chicken shit. But a good friend told me to try because there's no harm to it. I don't know where we will end up doing this long relationship. I don't know how difficult it would be. I seriously don't know. But if something were to go wrong, at least we've tried, at least i know i've tried better than just giving up at this point. Right? Wrong? Oh, i don't know. I'm know i'm taking the risk in trying to work it out.

Will it work?

That's the answer i'm anticipating for. Goodnight.

I don't know what's the title.

2007-08-09T00:12:00.000+08:00

I had a dream last night that i was ice skating in Sunway Pyramid. It's funny because i don't know how to ice skate in real world. I don't like dreaming much because the fact that it takes up my resting time, annoys me. I try not to drink coffees in the morning too often because i didn't want to get immune to it.

Today, I like what i wore for work. It's so me...=) I love my shirt very much. It's simple and sleek. Cost me (my mom actually) a bomb. I will never pay 180 for a shirt but this is different. Ooo! I bought new shades for myself too. It was impulsive buying but thank goodness i didn't regret... No no, i didn't regret at all! Thank goodness Shi Jin was there with me to help to decide if not i'll be so fickle minded till i can't made up my mind and end up with not buying any.

Watched The Simpsons last week. It was good for me. But when it comes to this dysfunctional family cartoon, it's either you love it or hate it. My mom dislike it but as for me, i've watched it since young thanks to my brother again so OF COURSE it was fucking hillarious.

1. I can't get the Spiderpig song out of my head!!

2. The part Homer quoted about the pig can do an impression of Marge.

3. AND when Bard gets strangle by Homer each time he laughs at Homer.

No matter how ridiculous the movie is..it's ridiculously funny. Bravoooo!!

I wanna eat myself or bite my fingers out each time i look at theeeseeee........

2007-07-30T00:05:00.000+08:00

i ate at SOHO 新煮意 today.

I decided to treat mom and dad dinner since i got my paycheck and i chose this restaurant to bring them to. It's at One Utama old wing, located near Jusco or next to Johnny's Steamboat. It's some sort of a fusion chinese restaurant. A mixture of HongKong and Shanghai cooking. Taste really good. =) Price goes well with the food quality and portion. The stir fried Mongolian rib eye beef is a MUST TRY dish. It's even more delicious than Fergie.

(I dislike Fergie btw. She def trying to hard to be sexy & when you over do it... it's just not sexy anymore. The stir fried rib eye is like Charlize Theron. Humble & so darn sexy. What the Hell am i babbling?? I have no idea....)

London cool is their restaurant concept. Modern interior with interesting face poster prints decors. Toilet design it's just ok laaaa.. I dislike the wash basin. Though I really love Italian and Western food but it's just not as much as Chinese. I think Chinese food has the most variety ever. Going there next week hopefully.

"Yummy yummy yummy i got love in my tummy..."

Goodnight people.

freetime part II

2007-07-22T20:22:00.000+08:00

boy meets girl. boy goes after girl. boy makes girl happy. girl makes boy happy. boy and girl happy happy. then boy cheats on girl. girl is devastated and tormented with boy's bastard actions. boy stabs girl in the heart and moves on. girl moves on with a heart that was stitched morbidly.

lately i've been told stories like this and vice versa for the past few weeks. i've been through it. i feel their pain. there's anger in me each time i hear stories of infidelities. some moved on. some trying hard to move on. some couldn't. some thought they did but there's actually no closure yet. i took a year to heal but sometimes time doesn't heal i guess.

After 6 months the infidelity happened, then only i cried. it was just too difficult to tear before that.

It's been a year and a half yet he still couldn't forget her.

She puts on a facade during the day but hides in the room crying before she sleeps everynight for 4 months.

Her bf pushed her to the floor when she asked him about the other woman. It's been a year yet it's still unsettle.

sigh s.c.r.e.a.m.i.n.g.i.n.f.i.d.e.l.i.t.i.e.s.
aiyoh...listen la to Bjork- Army of me.
i'm too lazy to do work la. Boringggggg nyer.

freetime

2007-07-22T11:59:00.000+08:00

I'm actually suppose to be doing my layout plan for a club house but i'm just too lazy to stare at autocad so let me stray a lil to blogger. =)
Right now I'm violently cheerful. Yes i am!! So i'm in the mood to type type! Yeep yeep!!
First, i just wanna update a lil about me. I graduated already! Yes yes! The ceremony was held at Sheraton, Subang Jaya. Dad coulsn't be there because he went back packing to Vietnam so only mommy came. She was making a big deal about this few months back but i had no idea why i didn't care. Was suppose to buy this dress from Warehouse but ended up not buying it because i was planning to dress smart formal effortlessly. I took lots of pics but uploading it is tiring.

Above is a pic of me and a few of my classmates. (L>R - Siong Siong, Mickey and Wei Lian) Below are a few of my favourite design lecturers.

L>R:

Khoo - a very cool lecturer. puts on a cold fish look but he's actually very nice and very knowledgeble.

John - the baby face lecturer. extremely friendly and always helpful when i'm stressed out.

Macy - my tutor who's getting more and more fashionable.

This is Va Nee. I love her teaching so much. No matter how tired i am, i can never sleep in her class. She makes Moral and Culture studies so interesting.

NEXT...

One day i was at office and i was so bored after lunch, i decided to take pictures of the design studio.

Last 2 weeks, i rushed to meet this girl because she's leaving soon to Brisbane, Australia. Meet Ms. grumpy but nice Sarah K. She's always thinking I'm mean. Dia suka main rambut! Me too la.. I have hair loss problems so i control.

Oh!!

Happy 21st Birthday to See Ting!!

Today is this moi chai birthday... yaya... she's a fan of steamboat and ktv. Tomorrow is her bf Chin Yong's birthday. Yesterday was their 1st anniversary. It's really 3 in 1. =D

Ps: my eyes memang sepet la and looks evil so stop asking me to open my eyes big big because i look cute stupid okay. There! mampus!

2007-07-15T23:06:00.000+08:00

Violently moody.

If you complain once more,

you'll meet an army of

ME.

It's a song lyric by Bjork. I love this song when i was 10 though i have no fucking idea what she was saying back then. But now i know and her songs somehow gives me confidence to go on with my daily lame problems that i have to deal with which i don't derserve at all. I feel so fucking fucking fucking sexy each time i listen her music. It makes me so high like i'm on drugs and just wanna dance sensuously. I'm so tired with my daily life at times. I wish i don't know certain people in my life. I wish i could just say no to people, really be the evil keneevil me and just snap whenever i feel cranky or annoyed. I have patience but that doesn't mean i can be bullied. I am carefree to a certain point only. Many people annoy me but i just have to ignore it because...i just have to. I don't feel like crying. I just want a punching bag, a real one and box it with my bare knuckles. Recently i've become someone aggressive. Words are my weapon. Maybe because for the past few months i built walls to protect myself and slowly building my own army of me to kill. It's so frustrating trying to fix things you know? Wish i just had the courage to walk away or probably kill the person who's causing me problems. I have a talent of fixing people's problem but why the hell i can't fix mine with that damn talent of mine. I often dream of me walking on rocks while hearing sounds of cutlery falling from above slamming on rocks. How freakish is that?

I got to stand up, got to manage and not sympathize anymore. My rescue squad is too exhausted. I need a vacation and have fun. A vacation to Australia or America.

If you complain once more,

you'll meet an army of me,

army of ME.

2007-07-09T20:33:00.000+08:00

I felt so bad for not attending to Caleb's and Cathetine's birthday party because i had to work late on a Friday night. We are surrounded by bistros and bars. People from PJ or KL come all the way down here to party and have an eventful Friday night but we are stuck working on a groovy friday. But i don't mind working late because i'm currently doing something i love. Ate alot of Pringles while working. My two other colleagues were with me at the studio. Jeff was so happy that he got his Emil Chow concert tickets by winning a radio contest and kept crooning to his songs. It seems like a sad thing working on a Friday night i know. Jeff took his drawings and threw them all over the table and said in cantonese, "I don't want to do la! Let's go clubbing!" Next thing you know he grabbed all the drawings and said, "Sigh...cannot la... after client angry." -_-

We all left the studio at around 1.30 am. I saw :

- luxurious cars parked along the block.
- drunkards singing.
- girls who are drunked and having trouble walking straight.
- men vomitting.
- rats digging trash.
- girl crying while walking out from the bar alone.
- girl walking out angrily.
- guy whining about his problems to another guy.

Not so much of a fun Friday huh. Got back at 2 am. Bathe then watch my drama - The L Word.

This is lame. Last week I went to buy this dvd series from a nearby shop around my office. So when i was about to pay for my dvd series. Here's the conversation.

Dvd guy: Are you a lesbian?

*pause*

Erinn: Ya. Why?

Dvd guy: No just asking. So you gonna watch with your girlfriend la?

Erinn: Ya.

Dvd guy: I see. I'll save season 5 for you then. Guys love watching this drama too.

Erinn: I guess so too.

Dvd guy: So u're a lesbian since school time?

Erinn: Yeap. So how much is it?

Dvd guy's gf: 40 ringgit. I never see a lesbian before actually o... So your gf is as tall as u ar?

Erinn: Taller. Thank you and bye bye.

Dvd guy & his gf: Bye bye. Come again for the next one la.

*******************************************

Funny la those two but they are very friendly nice people. Above conversation was just for my own amusement. If you find is boring and useless then i'm so sorry. This is how random i get. I write whatever that comes to mind. I wanna talked about everything in a limited time frame/ paragraph. so it can get messy.

Continue....Last week was a very busy week and tiring week for me.

Monday- Rush for dinner with Sarah after work.
Tuesday- Rushing for a presentation will late night.
Wednesday- Celebrated Shi Jin's birthday.
Thursday- Out again after work but can't remember where.
Friday- As mentioned above. Work late again.
Saturday- Out with mom.
Sunday- Out with Jonz.

I will not wanna do it again because i don't like going out everyday honestly. Call me old but i don't give a shit. Yes i'm not happening. Though i realized working life is kinda boring. The cycle goes like...

Wake up >get dress >eat >go for work >lunch>work >dinner >tv >sleep

Normally a person's life will follow the cycle above. Probably add ">clubbing" or ">party" or ">gym". if you take the effort to funk up your life, good for you but please... GYM is not a happening activity. Yes it's like the "trend" now but getting obsess with treadmills and weight machines will make you even more boring than Erinn Wan. In my case, i'm so easily contented. =) I probably wanna go climb mountains la if i ever had that kind stamina or white water rafting if i'm not chicken shit.

Okay. I feel like listing July babies:

Shi Jin
See Ting
Ee Von
Fang Chin
Catherine Wong
Yeong Kwan
Gim Loong
Melissa Wong
Sze Lin
Yen Sue

Okay. Time for TV.

A hot Sunday.

2007-07-01T15:40:00.000+08:00

So i look like a malay mix girl now huh? Just because i'm a lil tan recently.

Does this look like a malay mix rabbit? Jusssst wondering.

How lame can i be? Very.
There's a reason why i call myself sepet penguin at times.

28 June, Thursday, 9 pm

2007-06-29T22:59:00.000+08:00

Anticipation killed her slowly. She was screaming inside, "Oh my god!! I'm going to watch Transformers soon!! Soon!!". A week before the release of Transformers, she dug out her brother's Tranformers toys and looked at it. She was screaming inside, "This is classic shit!".

So...

Thursday came. 28 June 2007. She was suppose to be at work but she took a half day off to shop with mommy. She's a spoil brat who pisses her mom's cash away. She almost bought her favourite perfume Chanel Chance but decided to buy it when she gets her paycheck. Then, she said, "Mommy, why do you have to spray that sample to annoy me? You smell like Chanel and I smell like... people. You're so mean."

Back top the subject.

She annoyed her mother with her excitement to watch Transformers and her squeeky weird noises till her mom ask her to shut up and shop shaking her bloody arms. Then when the sun sets... she waited for her boy to join her in the cinema. She so wanna yell "I can't believe I'm watching Transformers finally!!" but she kept it inside.

She got the chills and goosebumps on her when the autobots tranform and made the robotic sound. She got the chills when she saw the jets and raptors and especially when Megatron tranform into an awesome jet. Orgasm. She so wanna be a pilot each time she sees a war movie. It's so pathetic but she don't give a shit. She loves aircrafts very much for all she knows. And when her best friend msged her this..

Rathyana Kaur sent 6/29/2007 7:32 PM:
Hi Zhu Jinn, I got your sms this afternoon. Yes, I did watch Transformers on thursday afternoon. And I risk sounding like a 12 year old kid when I say...it was so cool!

She's not alone people, she's not alone.

Everyone clapped, cheered and woo-ing after the show ended. She wished it never end.
She didn't feel guilty at all for skipping work because it was all worth it. Those 2 1/2 hours was amazing. She thank you shi jin for the tickets. He's so kind.

If you haven't watch the movie. Go watch it quick. If you don't plan to watch. Shame on you.

it's 2.21 a.m.

2007-06-28T02:18:00.000+08:00

she just got back from work and half retarded.
she is eating tau foo and drinking soup.
she is going to watch That 70's Show.
she thinks justice can be a bitch.